Here lies part of my .sigfile collection. See the .sigfile page for any details that aren't obvious.
"The mere act of drinking beer in an attempt to measure your tolerance
is likely to affect your impression of how many beers you've drunk."
-- The Heineken uncertainty principle.
--
The genius of France can be seen at a glance
And it's not in their fabled fashion scene
It's that they're mean, or their wine, or cuisine
I refer of course to the guillotine
(the French knew how to lynch)
T-Bone Burnett, "I Can Explain Everything"
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"It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. Insensibly one begins
to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts."
-- Sherlock Holmes
The youth who frequent picture palaces
Have no use for psychoanalysis,
And altho Dr Freud
Is distinctly annoyed,
They cling to their long-standing fallacies.
--
"(He was) a genial and pleasant gentleman, whom to meet anywhere in
your travels was to know, to know was to drink with, and to drink with
was, unfortunately, to pay for." - Thomas Hardy, Far From the Madding Crowd
--
| (V) | "Tiger gotta hunt. Bird gotta fly.
| (^ (`> | Man gotta sit and wonder why, why, why.
| ((\\__/ ) | Tiger gotta sleep. Bird gotta land.
| (\\< ) | Man gotta tell himself he understand."
| \< ) |
| ( / | Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
| | |
" I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to hide my eyes until the anger goes ... "
--
| / | |
| / | 'Ask me a question and I'll reply: |
| \ | Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston pie.' |
_|__\__________________________|__________________________-Winnie the Pooh__|
_____
| | _____ "Come on! Jesus needs a new pair of shoes!!!"
| O | |O O| -- God (playing dice with the Universe)
| | |O O|
~~~~~ |O O|
~~~~~
--
"You're just a microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan
designed and directed by his red right hand" -- Nick Cave
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| "Incidentally, Baldrick, what *did* God do to the
| Sodomites?"
| "Dunno, Milord, but I can't imagine it was any worse than
| what the Sodomites used to do to each other."
| -- Prince Edmund and Baldrick, The Blackadder
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--
<-> <-> You will know pain. And you will know fear.
<-> <-> And then you will die.
<-> <-> Have a pleasant flight.
----------------------------------------------------------
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like his passengers."
=========================================================
In Xanadu did Kublai Khan
A Council Planning Officer Bribe
Else ne'er would legends to this day
Of his erection still survive
--
"I can't imagine mastering the skills involved here without a clearer
understanding of who's going to be impressed."
-Calvin.
--
"Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference."--Albie Einstein.
"We cannot be sure which side of the road the chicken was travelling on,
but it was travelling very fast"--Werner Heisenberg.
"Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
tend to cross the road"--Isaac Newton
--
-------------- ---------------
| "Insanity is often the logic | A man said to the universe: |
| of an accurate mind overtaxed." | "Sir, I exist!" "However," |
| | replied the universe, "The |
| | fact has not created in me |
| | a sense of obligation." |
| --- Oliver W. Holmes. | --- Stephen Crane |
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--
Das computenmachine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen, und poppencorken mit
spittzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pokets, relaxen und watch das
blinkenlights.
--
Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni.
--
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced..
--
If life is a box of chocolates, why do I always get the Crunchy Frog ?
--
Politics is not the art of persuasion, it's the science of selfishness.
--
"You can't break eggs without making an omelet" -
That's what they tell the eggs. --- Randall Jarrell
| "When you argue with a fool,
| chances are he is doing just the same"
| "Things should be made as simple as possible,
| but not any simpler." -- Albert Einstein
______________________________________________________________________________
Give a man a fish: feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish: feed him for life.
Teach a hundred men to fish: empty the lake of fish.
---
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
| If everyone who smoked was laid end to end around the world |
| approximately 67% of them would drown |
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
***************************************
* "Perform senseless acts of kindness *
* and mindless acts of mercy" *
***************************************
--
Nelly the elephant smoked a Jay,
And said goodbye to the dull life,
Packed her stash in a Choo-Choo train,
Chuff! Chuff! Chuff!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies
of the assholes I had to kill because they pissed me off.
--
"Where there's a Will, there's a Tom, Dick and Harriet." -- The Doctor
"In science there is only physics; everything else is stamp collecting."
--Ernest Rutherford
"Politics is for the moment. An equation is for eternity." -- A. Einstein
--
A friend helps you move, A best friend helps you move a body,
--
"Bollocks !" said Pooh. He was having a _really_ bad day.
--
The collapse of the Roman Empire was in large part due to the fact that,
having no numeral for zero, they were unable to tell when their C programs
terminated.
--
+-------------------------------------+
I "One should forgive one's enemies, I\
I but not before they are hanged." I I
I -Heinrich Heine I I
I I I
I "Kill one man and you are a I I
I murderer. Kill millions and you I I
I are a conquerer. Kill them all I I
I and you are a God." I I
I -Jean Rostand I I
+-------------------------------------+ I
\_____________________________________\I