If anything can go wrong, it will
Corollary: It can
Corollary: At the most inopportune time
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will
cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can
go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will
promptly develop
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking
the fix on one or more of the others
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
Mother nature is a bitch.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
\Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds
dedicated to it.
Addition to Murphy's Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right
... something is wrong.
More Laws
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always
helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take
effect and screw it up.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to
butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly
proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly
proportional to the cost of the carpet.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to
crack or break it.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the
carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft
ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in
which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the
sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a
diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal
while it is running.
If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder
borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend
the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an
adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's
side of your car windshield.
The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat
will throw up on it.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important
one last.
After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for
everywhere, you'll find the original.
You have to look where you lost it.
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought
it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you
thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work
perfectly.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence,
and then remains there.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Where patience fails, force prevails
.
"Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of
reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong
anyway.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire
in your face.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other
is congested.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.
He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your
anger.
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying
to impress.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
The fish are always biting....yesterday!
You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space
leaving at the same time.
The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.
and
Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead.
Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to
do, you don't want to do it.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how
much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
Crespins law of observation:
the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity
of ones actions
If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.
If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.
If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your
reputation.
no matter where I go, there I am
Where patience fails, force prevails.
Murphy's Law Current Revision
Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
You just haven't been notified.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had
plagiarized his "Gamble's Law" which says that "The letter box is always
on the other side of the road"
If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
Waxman's Law:
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Skarstad's Observation
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
all good things come to those who wait...
but , don't wait too long or they will pass you by...
like 2 ships that pass in the night...
never again to return that same exact site.
If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under
water
Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
Long's Law
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
McFalls' Maxim
No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless
you're still screwed.
Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law:
Things always go from bad to worse.
Hunter's Observation on Beauty:
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
Hunter's Observation on Experts:
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating:
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
Hunter's Observation on hypocrites:
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz:
"We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain."
Sgt. Murphy's Law
Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
The Law of Stupid Tricks
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have.
Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
Things are never as good as they are bad.
Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.
The Wingwalker's Rule:
Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
A bird in the hand is messy.
The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the
carpet.
When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on
them.
If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will
slide into the Atlantic - Steven Wright
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...
If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever
tried.
Mrs. Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of
town....
If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
Warneke Law
You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen and you can't use it in
reverse.
When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction
booklet, but someone else always does.
Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple
things are never easy.
Think about it, complete the circle.
It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they
change again.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible
worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.
You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account
Hofstadter's Law.
In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it's as far as possible
from where you are, no matter where you are.
The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly
proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
Window polishing:
It's always on the other side.
Hall's Law:
Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.
(Another) Hall's Law
Minor problem isn't.
A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the
distance of the tip of your fingers.
If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than
the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to
that distance.
If it looks good,
And it taste good,
And it feels good,
There has got to be something wrong some where,
So be careful.
Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the
umbrella you carry around with you all day.
No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going
right.
Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the
little problem to get out of the way.
When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be
found. When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in
plain sight.
Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour
later.
Law of Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest
pile.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Gumperson's Law:
The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the
desirability of it happening.
Uffelman's Razor:
[Given Murphy's law, ...] One should not attribute to evil design any
unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series
of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman's Razor:
Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error
or a succession of errors.
Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to "fake" the Apollo moon landing.
Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that
it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely
explanation of events. Accordingly, the "evidence" of the "faked" landing
is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence
than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
Probability law:
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of
improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won't
happen.
Common Sense Is Not So Common
Power Is Taken... Not Given
Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four.
If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the
rich and powerful brake them.
The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.
Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains
why stupid people always go wrong.
Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong
75% of the time.
If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would
have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
Common sense isn't.
The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its
limits.
The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes.
The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last
forever.
Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong.
The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law
will backfire.
Its never so bad it couldn't be worse.
Murphy's Metalaw
Knowing Murphy's Law will never help.
Occult Principle of Murphism
To know Murphy's Law is to draw its attention.
Avoidance Law
If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for
something big.
Hermetic Murphism
As above, so below.
The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
Buddha's Version of Murphy's Law
Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
Fleming's corollary:
Nothing ever gets better.
Murphologist's Curse
Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy's Law will act, but the
Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta
from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to
the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to
happen to you
Law of cooperatives
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do
in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
Mr. Murphy warning:
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy
Mrs. Murphy's Law:
If something goes wrong, it's Mr. Murphy's fault.
Mrs. Murphy's Law
If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the
blame
Lewis' Axiom
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex
transaction possible
Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
Another name for Murphy's law: The law of conservation of misery
Carvalheiro's deduction
If in a particular circumstance Murphy's law don't apply, then something
must be wrong
A law about websites:
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the
server is down.
Laws about this site:
The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws
you are going to miss.
This site won't open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy
laws are
Remember:
Shit happens
Murphy's law is intrinsic.
and never forget O'Toole's Corollary or
Sod's Law or
McGillicuddy Law
Murphy was an optimist
Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren't
there?
Or in other words:
someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except
when it backfires.
You get all the credit for the dumb move.
Murphy was an extreme optimist!