Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but
were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of
squabble.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
'I saw a film where there was an alien crawling around inside a spaceship's
air ducts and it could come out wherever it liked', said Johnny
reproachfully. 'Doubtless it had a map', said the Captain. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
'What is this thing, anyway?' said the Dean, inspecting the implement in
his hands. 'It's called a shovel,' said the Senior Wrangler. 'I've seen the
gardeners use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a
bit technical.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three
impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was
gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"Woof bloody woof."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
The Librarian looked out at the jolting scenery. He was sulking. This had a
lot to do with the new bright collar around his neck with the word 'PONGO'
on it. Someone was going to suffer for this. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could
do is give them a meaningful look." 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'That's right,' he said. We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the
Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous
phrase, 'You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and
there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.' 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
Dhblah sidled closer. This was not hard. Dhblah sidled everywhere. *Crabs*
thought he walked sideways. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
"Oook!"#
'Kneel and deliver!'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
No-one would have believed, in the final years of the Century of the
Fruitbat, that Discworld affairs were being watched keenly and impatiently
by intelligences greater than Man's, or at least much nastier; that their
affairs were being scrutinised and studied as a man with a three-day
appetite might study the All-You-Can-Gobble-For-A-Dollar menu outside
Harga's House of Ribs...
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"The knuckles! The horrible knuckles!"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett)#
"Have another drink, not-Corporal Nobby?" said Colon unsteadily. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
- "`E's fighting in there!" he stuttered, grabbing the captain's arm.  
- "All by himself?" said the captain.  
- "No, with everyone!" shouted Nobby, hopping from one foot to the other. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
In-sewer-ants-polly-sea!
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic)#
It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for nomekind.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Truckers)#
Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your
home.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in
the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially
by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather
than let go of it.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)#
Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
    	-- (Terry Pratchett)#
- "We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience"
- "But the point is ... the point is ... the point is we've not been
   experienced for a lot longer than you."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
The only way housework could be done in this place was with a shovel or,
for preference, a match.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
People didn't hit you over the head with farmhouses back home.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Genua had once controlled the river mouth and taxed its traffic in a way
that couldn't be called piracy because it was done by the city government.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your
dreams?
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
'Baths is unhygienic,' Granny declared. 'You know I've never agreed with
baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and
dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived
in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Nanny Ogg quite liked cooking, provided there were other people around to
do things like chop up the vegetables and wash the dishes afterwards.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
'Emberella, thought Magrat. I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like
something you put up in the rain.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
But she stopped herself. You didn't juggle matches in a firework factory.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Magrat was annoyed. She was also frightened, which made her even more
annoyed. It was hard for people when Magrat was annoyed. It was like being
attacked by damp tissue.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Nanny Ogg looked him up and down or, at least, down and further down.
'You're a dwarf', she said.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Somewhere in the mechanism something resisted for a moment and then went
*clonk*.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
It was the sort of thing you expected in the Street of Alchemists. The
neighbours *preferred* explosions, which were at least identifiable and
soon over. They were better than the smells, which crept up on you.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're
gone!"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
... and the Archchancellor's most important job, as the Bursar saw it, was
to sign things, preferably, from the Bursar's point of view, without
reading them first.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered
so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
Most alchemists were nervous, in any case; it came from not knowing what
the crucible of bubbling stuff they were experimenting with was going to do
next.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
'Students?' barked the Archchancellor. 'Yes, Master. You know? They're the
thinner ones with the pale faces? Because we're a *university*? They come
with the whole thing, like rats -'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many
worthwile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-
playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this
simple fact.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
And then you bit onto them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat
Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know
it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and
mustard people would eat *anything*.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
There seemed nowhere in it for him, but this wasn't a problem. There was
always room at the top.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
'The thing is that Mr. Dibbler can even sell sausages to people who have
bought them off him *before*.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
- "You pay for it before you eat it? What happens if it's dreadful?" 
- "That's why."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute
*whazaam*, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for
happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex, not thoughts
like 'What's it all about, when you get right down to it?'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I'm a cat person, myself," she said, vaguely. A low-level voice said:
"Yeah? Yeah? Wash in your own spit, do you?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Why's it called Ming?" said the Archchancellor, on cue. The Bursar tapped
the pot. It went *ming*.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
- "I thought swords had to be straight." 
- "Perhaps they start out straight and go bendy with use. A lot of things do."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
Azhural raised his staff. "It's fifteen hundred miles to Ankh-Morpork," he
said. "We've got three hundred and sixty-three elephants, fifty carts of
forage, the monsoon's about to break and we're wearing ... we're wearing
... sort of things, like glass, only dark ... dark glass things on our eyes
..."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to
a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"He's in love," said Gaspode. "It's very tricky." 
"Yeah, I know how it is," said the cat sympathetically. "People throwing 
old boots and things at you."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
- 'In a word -- im-possible!' 
- 'That's two words,' said Dibbler.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
'I'm vice-president of Throwing Out People Mr Dibbler Doesn't like the Face
of.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
- "It looks worse than you can imagine!"
- "I can imagine some pretty bad things!" 
- "That's why I said *worse* !"     
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
Old Tom was the single cracked bronze bell in the University bell tower.
The clapper dropped out shortly after it was cast, but the bell still
tolled out some tremendously sonorous silences every hour.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room.
The difference is, when you shout, 'Where's my clean socks?', no-one
answers.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
It was true about the time measurement as well. The Tezumen had realized
long ago that everything was steadily getting worse and, having a terrible
little-mindedness, had developed a complex system to keep track of how much
worse each succeeding day was.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
Contrary to general belief, the Tezumen *did* invent the wheel. They had
just radically different ideas about what you used it for.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
"These people where not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats.
The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
While working his way along a wall he came to a huge door, which
artistically portrayed a group of prisoners apparently being given a
complete medical check-up [Footnote: From a distance it did, anyway. Close
to, no].
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
- "There's a door" 
- "Where does it go ?"  
- "It stays where it is, I think,"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
The trouble is that things *never* get better, they just stay the same,
only more so.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
- "So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's
   what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
- "Yes. I think it's called the bill."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
- "What're quantum mechanics?"  
- "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
No one was avoiding him, it was just that an apparent random Brownian
motion was gently moving everyone away.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
"Dock-a-loodle-fod!"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean that
the water's fresh and drinkable, and *in all that time* never asked
themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do
was make things go splat.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
'DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
It is traditional, when loading wire trolleys, to put the most fragile
items at the bottom.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
Not matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got
there first, and is waiting for it.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
"'s Got to be better that that bloody sausage, anyway"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Woof?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Could have bin worse, mister. I could have said 'miaow'."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Worlds only harmonica-playing dog. Tuppence"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Seems I can't get me 'ead down these days without rescuin' people or
foilin' robbers or sunnink."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"How's he in the mysterious senses department ?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Walk a mile on these paws and call me a liar."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Woof. In tones of low menace"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"There's nothin' wrong with bein' a son of a bitch,"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I thought it was going to be bucket-of-water time myself."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Yelp"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I can explain it in Dog, but you only listen in Human"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I mean are we talking Thicko City here or what?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I wouldn't give it to a dog, and I *am* one."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Does that look like ten per cent to you, Victor?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"... Percy the Pup here with a cold nose, bright eyes, glossy coat and the
brains of a stunned herring."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Maybe you should loosen her clothing or something."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I could send you a bone with a file in it, only you'd eat it."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Well. 'scuse me. I was jus' tryin' to save the world."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"If gharstely creatures from before the Dawna Time starts wavin' at you
from under your bed, jus' you don't come complainin' to me,"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Idiot I may be, but tied up I ain't"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
'And Howondaland Smith, Balrog Hunter, practic'ly eats the dark for his
tea,' said Gaspode.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Messin' around with girls in thrall to Creatures from the Void never works
out, take my word for it."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"Growl, growl"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I can bite your leg if you like"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I expect I've saved the day, right ?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
I MUST SAY THESE ARE VERY GOOD BISCUITS. HOW DO THEY GET THE BITS OF
CHOCOLATE IN? 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
There was a badger in the privy.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of
housework in other people. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since
it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
I LIKE TO THINK I AM A PICKER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES. Death grinned 
hopefully.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
Mustrum Ridcully did a lot for rare species. For one thing, he kept them
rare. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a
red flag to a bu-- was like putting something very annoying in front of
someone who was annoyed by it. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
The thing about iron is that you generally don't have to think fast in
dealing with it. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you
never knew your luck. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with
the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on. 
    	-- (Terry
Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
For Magrat, stepping into a man's bedroom was like an explorer stepping on
to that part of the map marked Here Be Dragons. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
'I wants your body, Mrs Ogg.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
'I know she's in there,' said Verence, holding his crown in his hands in
the famous Ai-Senor-Mexican-Bandits-Have-Raided-Our-Village position.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the
cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could
be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined
as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab
behind you honking. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
'Serve 'em right for not inviting me to their weddings.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
History, contrary to popular theories, *is* kings and dates and battles.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the
Chosen One: 'Psst!'. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot
easily be duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes in to
work every day and has a job to do. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
Brother Preptil, the master of the music, had described Brutha's voice as
putting him in mind of a disappointed vulture arriving too late at the dead
donkey. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'There's very good eating on one of these, you know.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of
starvation too, o'course.' 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power
of someone who will use the word 'commence' in cold blood, go somewhere
else very quickly. But if they say 'Enter', don't stop to pack. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
The labyrinth of Ephebe is ancient and full of one hundred and one amazing
things you can do with hidden springs, razor-sharp knives, and falling
rocks. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Ah. Philosophy,' said Om.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
SQUEAK.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up were the kings don't
expect them to be. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Eureka', he said.
'Going to have a bath then?'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Are you a philosopher? Where's your sponge?'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is:
'Why is it so dark in here?' 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)#
All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be
a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)#
"You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
He'd been particularly pleased with Manchester.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
The only time Crowley had bought petrol was once in 1967, to get the free
James Bond bullet-hole-in-the-windscreen transfers, which he rather fancied
at the time. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the
Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Humans suffering from a conflict of signals aren't the best people to be
holding guns, especially when they've just witnessed a natural childbirth,
which definitely looked an un-American way of bringing new citizens into
the world. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Of course he was all in favour of Armageddon in *general* terms.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
On those occasions when the angel managed to get his mind into the
twentieth century, it always gravitated to 1950. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
They drove back through the dawn, while the cassette player played J. S.
Bach's Mass in B Minor, vocals by F. Mercury. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"Art thou a witch, *viva espana*?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Anathema didn't only believe in ley-lines, but in seals, whales, bicycles,
rainforests, whole grain in loves, recycled paper, white South Africans out
of South Africa, and Americans out of practically everywhere down to and
including Long Island. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
English Burger Lords managed to take any American fast food virtues (the
speed with which your food was delivered, for example) and carefully remove
them; your food arrived after half an hour, at room temperature, and it was
only because of the strip of warm lettuce between them that you could
distinguish the burger from the bun. The Burger Lord pathfinder salesmen
had been shot 25 minutes after setting foot in France.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North
Pole. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY
TO AVOID THE RUSH. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the
question: How many whales can you catch in one week? 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
The kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"?", he said.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Madame Tracy had even removed most of the Major Arcana from her Tarot card
pack, because their appearance tended to upset people. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS, said the tall biker in the helmet, I NEVER LAID
A FINGER ON HIM. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Voodoo is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those
members of it who are dead. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"Jesus won't cut you off before you're through
With him you won't never get a crossed line,
And when your bill comes it'll all be properly itemised
He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life.

The phone line to the saviour's always free of interference
He's in at any hour, day or night
And when you call J-E-S-U-S you always call toll-free
He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
- ALL YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS THE MERCY OF HELL.
- "Yeah?"
- JUST OUR LITTLE JOKE.
- "Ngk", said Crowley.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield.
And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly
Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager,
and Really Cool People travelled with them. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Thud. Thud. Thud. Splat.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"Did any of them kids have some space alien with a face like a friendly
turd in a bike basket?" 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
Basically, there were two sides to the world. There was the entire computer
games software industry engaged in a tremendous effort to stamp out piracy,
and there was Wobbler. Currently, Wobbler was in front. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
Wobbler had written an actual computer game like this once. It was called
"Journey to Alpha Centauri". It was a screen with some dots on it. Because,
he said, it happened in *real time*, which no-one had ever heard of until
computers. He'd seen on TV that it took three thousand years to get to
Alpha Centauri. he had written it so that if anyone kept their computer on
for three thousand years, they'd be rewarded by a little dot appearing in
the middle of the screen, and then a message saying, 'Welcome to Alpha
Centauri. Now go home.' 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
Wobbler thought that California was where good people went when they died.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
If Not You, Who Else?
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
"We got a talk about it at school. There's lots of stuff most girls can't
do, but you've got to pretend they can, so that more of them will."  
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
Bigmac's brother was reliably believed to be in the job of moving video
recorders around in an informal way. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
He microwaved himself something called a Pour-On Genuine Creole Lasagne,
which said it served four portions. It did if you were dwarfs. 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
On Earth, No-one Can Hear You Say 'Um'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
'Stuck? You're an *alien*', said Johnny. 'Aliens don't get stuck in air
ducts. It's practically a well-known fact.' 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
"If we find a cat I'm going to kick it!"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Only You Can Save Mankind)#
"Reflected-sound-of-underground-spirits?" 
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Colour Of Magic)#
I WAS AT A PARTY, he added, a shade reproachfully.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
'Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
If broomsticks were cars, this one would be a split-window
Morris Minor.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites)#
'Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal
  often offends, I read somewhere.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
'When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-
  deep slurry.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
"I'd like to know if I could compare you to a summer's day. Because -- well, 
June 12th was quite nice, and ..."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
'Ibid you already know.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)#
FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
'Pour encourjay lays ortras.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
'This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest
  dragon in the city. It could burn your head clean off.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
'Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handle a sword a little.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
"I EXPECT, he said, THAT YOU COULD MURDER A PIECE OF CHEESE?"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
"On the fabled hidden continent of Xxxx, somewhere near the rim, there is a
lost colony of wizards who wear corks around their pointy hats and live on
nothing but prawns."  
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
"Bonsai!"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
'Chap with a whip got as far as the big sharp spikes last week,' said 
the low priest.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
'You know,' said Windle, 'it's a wonderful afterlife.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
- ''S called the Vieux River.' 
- 'Yes?' 
- 'Know what that means?'
- 'No.'
- 'The Old (Masculine) River,' said Nanny. 
- 'Yes?' 
- 'Words have sex in foreign parts,' said Nanny hopefully."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
"Go on, do Deformed Rabbit ...it's my favourite."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)#
'Hah, I can just see a real playsmith putting *donkeys* in a
  play!'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords And Ladies)#
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian
  ones. They are not all that subtle."
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords And Ladies)#
- 'The other humans around it are trying to explain to it what a planet is' 
- 'Doesn't it know?' 
- 'Many humans don't. Mistervicepresident is one of them.'"
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords And Ladies)#
There is nothing that can be in our way, for this is Jekub, that 
Laughs at Barriers, and says brrm-brrm.        
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)#
It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just
his blood in particular that was so upsetting.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery (?))#
- 'I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!' he hissed. 'I'm afraid of grounds'
- 'You mean heights', said Conina. 'And stop being silly.'
- 'I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)#
`Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?' said Dibbler.
`He says he can't,' said Victor.
Dibbler hesitated. `Well,' he said, `I suppose he should know.'
    	-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)#
Still, it was a relief to get away from that macabre sight.
Gander considered that gnolls didn't look any better inside than
out. He hated their guts.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett)#
It became apparent that one reason why the Ice Giants were known as
the Ice Giants was because they were, well, giants.
The other reason was that they were made of ice.
    	-- (Terry Pratchett)# 
Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's
the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city
with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who
prefer daffodils and no wonder.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
Lady Ramkin's bosom rose and fell like an empire.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
A number of religions in Ank-Morpork still practised human sacrifice,
except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had
got so good at it.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of
the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in
their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they
don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot
missionaries on sight.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to
storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the
citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up
with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was
the Man; he had the Vote.
	-- Discworld politics explained 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
The librarian was, ex officio, a member of the college council. No-one had
been able to find any rule about orang-utans being barred, although they
had surreptiously looked very hard for one.
	-- Unseen University politics at work 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
'I HOPE WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY OF THIS "FOUL FIEND" BUSINESS AGAIN.'
	-- DEATH gets summoned by the college council 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
There had been some desultory talk about putting up a statue to Rincewind
but, by the curious alchemy that tends to apply in these sensitive issues,
this quickly became a plaque, then a note on the Roll of Honour, and
finally a motion of censure for being improperly dressed.
	-- Unseen University politics at work 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed
record for the nonchalant walk.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
It is a fact that although the Death of the Discworld is, in his own words,
an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION, he long ago gave up using the
traditional skeletal horses, because of the bother of having to stop all
the time to wire bits back on.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I
  WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK
  WOULD HOLD.  
- "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?"
	-- Death consults a job broker 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
'Students made it long ago,' said Rincewind. Handy way in and out after
lights out.'
'Ah,' said Twoflower, 'I *understand*. Over the wall and out to
brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?'
'Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes,' said Rincewind.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy,
according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you
can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap
between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to
the heir *instantaneously*.  Presumeably, he said, there must be some
elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job,
but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an
anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to
send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to
modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the
bar closed.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.
	-- Death addresses his new apprentice 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
"You're dead", he said.	 Keli waited. She couldn't think of any suitable
reply. "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it serious?" seemed
somehow too frivolous.
	-- Princess Keli in trouble 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
The thing between Death's triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of
time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds.
It wasn't a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills
through walls.
	-- Death goes fishing 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
- "Sodomy non sapiens", said Albert under his breath.
- "What does that mean?"
- "Means I'm buggered if I know."
	-- Mort and Albert are facing a problem 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
Women's clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much -- in
fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom
included any clothes at all -- but the vision in front of him really did
take his breath away.
	-- Princess Keli prepares for her coronation 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
"You won't get away with this", said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and
added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about
it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- " He stopped talking.
	-- Cutwell tries to reason with the Duke of Sto Helit
	   (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
"It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the
One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse."
	-- The Four Horsemen of the Apocralyse encounter
	   unexpected difficulties
	   (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)#
"There is nothing that can be in our way, for this is Jekub, that
Laughs at Barriers, and says brrm-brrm.
	-- From the Book Of Nome, Jekub, Chap. 3, v. V 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)#
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally
established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon
or three normal sized billiard balls.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
- "What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?"
- "Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper."
	-- Cohen the Barbarian in conversation with Discworld nomads
	   (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
The old shaman said carefully, 'You didn't just see two men go through
upside down on a broomstick, shouting and screaming at each other, did
you?' The boy looked at him levelly. 'Certainly not,' he said.	The
old man heaved a sigh of relief. 'Thank goodness for that,' he said.
'Neither did I.'
	-- Rincewind and Twoflower take up broomstick flying
	   (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
Something small and distant broke through the cloud layer, trailing shreds
of vapour. In the stratospheric calm the sounds of bickering came sharp and
clear. 'You said you could fly one of these things!'  'No I didn't; I just
said *you* couldn't!'
	-- Rincewind and Twoflower attempt broomstick flying
	   (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
"Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead."
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
The druid stiffened. '*Nice?*' he said. 'A triumph of the silicon chunk, a
miracle of modern masonic technology -- *nice*?	 'Oh, yes,' said Twoflower,
to whom sarcasm was merely a seven letter word beginning with S.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
'Shut up and tell me what that other idiot ish doing!'	
'No, but look, if I've got to shut up, how can I --' 
The knife at his throat became a hot streak of pain and Rincewind decided 
to give logic a miss.
	-- Cohen the Barbarian interrogates Rincewind
	   (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
The point that must be made is that although Herrena the Henna-Haired
Harridan would look quite stunning after a good bath, a heavy-duty
manicure, and the pick of the leather racks in Woo Hung Ling's Oriental
Exotica and Martial Aids on Heroes Street, she was currently quite sensibly
dressed in light chain mail, soft boots, and a short sword.  All right,
maybe the boots were leather. But not black.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
- 'Pull me up, then,' he hinted.
- 'I think that might be sort of difficult,' grunted Twoflower. 'I don't
  actually think I can do it, in fact.'
- 'What are you holding on to, then?'
- 'You.'
- 'I mean besides me.'
- 'What do you mean, besides you?' said Twoflower.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
- 'If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark
  tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might
  not even still be there, you can forget it,' said Rincewind sharply.
- 'There is an alternative, then.'
- 'Out with it, man.'
- 'You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones 
  which certainly are there,' said Twoflower.
Dead silence from below him. Then Rincewind said, accusingly, 'That
was sarcasm.'
	-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)#
Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough
to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the
demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to
death with a rattlesnake.
	-- Why summoning demons is a Bad Idea 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
'You mean mysterious ancient races of Amazonian princesses who subject all
male prisoners to strange and exhausting progenitative rites?' said Eric,
his glasses beginning to fog.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
There was a thoughtful pause in the conversation as the assembled Brethren
mentally divided the universe into the deserving and the undeserving, and
put themselves on the appropriate side.
	-- The Unique and Supreme Lodge of the Elucidated 
	   Brethren see the light
	   (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is
more or less optional.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and
thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink,
to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the
knee.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across
the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from
behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone
else."
	-- Carrot travels to Ankh-Morpork 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter
[footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].
	-- Nobby takes Carrot for a drink in The Mended Drum
	   (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military
manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the
Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.
	-- The City Watch takes action 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
'Oook?'#
It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad
enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing.
	-- Captain Vimes ponders his problems 
	   (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2)
Books must be returned no later than the date last shown; and 3) Do not
interfere with the nature of causality.
	-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)#
- "Have you any last words?"
- YES. I DON'T WANT TO GO.
- "Well. Succinct, anyway."
        -- Death at the other end of the stick, for once
           (Terry Pratchett, "Reaper Man")#
And then there were the frogs.
Very, very small frogs.
They had such a tiny life cycle it still had trainer wheels on it.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than
ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.
        -- Discworld scientists at work
           (Terry Pratchett, "Equal Rites")#
It had been in a pocket diary, and the names of the faraway places written
on it were like magic - Africa, Australia, China, Equator, Printed in Hong
Kong, Iceland...
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice
people used when they said to St George, "You killed a *what*?"
        -- Mort tastes scrumble for the first time
           (Terry Pratchett, Mort)#
Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the
machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisement said,
3) electrocuted the immediate neighbourhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely
to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly,
absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the
manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be
allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to
treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser's own property would
result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very
thin watches.
        -- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here."
        -- The Bursar is a man under a *lot* of stress
           (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
"Actors," said Granny, witheringly. "As if the world weren't full
of enough history without inventing more."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
"'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself."
Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as
there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)#
The sergeant put on the poker face which has been handed down from NCO to
NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower ranking
protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
- "What shall I do ?"
- "Well, if you see anything crawl out of the sea and try to breathe,
   you could try telling it not to bother."
        -- Rincewind and Eric at the Beginning of Time 
           (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure
sign of a diseased mind."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
The Supreme Life President of Hell wrote: What business are we in??? He
thought for a bit, and then carefully wrote, underneath: We are in the
damnation business!!!
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)#
Above the hearth was a huge pokerwork sign saying "Mother". No tyrant in
the whole history of the world had ever achieved a domination so complete.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
"A man could go far, knowing his rights like you do," said Granny.
"But right now he should go home."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
"I daresay," said Granny, pushing the Fool aside and stepping over a
writhing taproot. "If anyone locked *me* in a dungeon, there'd be screams."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
"He didn't take any notice !" whispered Tomjon.
"A born critic," said the dwarf.
        -- Discworld stage actors in conversation
           (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)#
"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people
can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)#
Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the
computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department
that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached
just saying: 'Learn, guys.'
        -- Crowley is a demon, in case you don't know
           (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"This isn't how I imagined it, chaps," said War. "I haven't been waiting
for thousands of years just to fiddle around with bits of wire. It's not
what you'd call *dramatic*. Albrecht Duerer didn't waste his time doing
woodcuts of the Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse, I do know that."
        -- Armageddon delayed by technical difficulties
           (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people.
It can always be crossed out."
        -- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you
see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and
important facts of the universe."  
Treatle nodded. "I hadn't looked at it like that," he said, "But you're
absolutely right. He's really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance."
        -- Discworld scientists at work
           (Terry Pratchett, "Equal Rites")#
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes
living worthwhile?" 
Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE.
        -- Death is obviously not a dog person
           (Terry Pratchett, ??)#
In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games,
where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key
to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is
Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters")#
They may have been ugly. they may have been evil. But when it came to
poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a
deck-chair.
        -- Meet the creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions
           (Terry Pratchett, "Equal Rites")#
AIRPORTS: A place where people hurry up and wait.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
       -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
"I thought jet planes were just trucks with more wings and less wheels."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
Nomes live ten times faster than humans. They're harder to see than a high-
speed mouse. That's one reason why most humans hardly ever see them. The
other is that humans are very good at not seeing things they know aren't
there. And, since sensible humans know that there are no such things as
people four inches high, a nome who doesn't want to be seen probably won't
be seen.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
And this had been the way things were for as far back as the frogs could
remember [footnote: About three seconds. Frogs don't have good memories].
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
"You get more air close to the ground," said Angalo. "I read that in a
book. You get lots of air low down, and not much when you go up."
"Why not?" said Gurder.
"Dunno. It's frightened of heights, I guess."
        -- The nomes discuss science
           (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
CONCORDE: It goes twice as fast as a bullet and you get smoked salmon.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
They stared at the branch. There wasn't just one flower out there, there
were dozens, although the frogs weren't able to think like this because
frogs can't count beyond one. They saw lots of ones.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
They stared at them. Staring is one of the few things frogs are good at.
Thinking isn't.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
It would be nice to say that the tiny frogs thought long and hard about the
new flower, about life in the old flower, about the need to explore, about
the possibility that the world was bigger than a pool with petals around
the edge.
In fact, what they thought was: "._._.mipmip._._.mipmip._._.mipmip".
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
HOTELS: A place where TRAVELLING HUMANS are parked at night. Other humans
bring them food, including the famous BACON, LETTUCE AND TOMATO SANDWICH.
There are beds and towels and special things that rain on people to get
them clean.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
- "Very clever idea, though."
- "What is?"
- "Asking the questions when people arrive. If anyone was coming here to
   do some subversive overthrowing, everyone'd be down on him like a pound of
   bricks as soon as he answered 'Yes'."
- "It's a sneaky trick, isn't it," said Angalo, in an admiring tone of
   voice.
        -- The nomes encounter American customs regulations
           (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
- "What's the human singing about, Thing?" said Masklin.
- "It is a little difficult to follow. However, it appears that the singer
   wishes it to be known that he did something his way."
- "Did what?"
- "Insufficient data at this point. But whatever it was, he did it at
   a) each step along life's highway and b) not in a shy way..."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
FLORIDA (or FLORIDIA): A place where may be found ALLIGATORS, LONG-NECKED
TURTLES and SPACE SHUTTLES. An interesting place which is warm and wet and
there are geese. BACON, LETTUCE AND TOMATO SANDWICHES may be found here
also. A lot more interesting than many other places. The shape when seen
from the air is like a bit stuck on a bigger bit.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
SATELLITES: They are in SPACE and stay there by going so fast that they are
never in one place enough to fall down. TELEVISIONS are bounced off them.
They are part of SCIENCE.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
SCIENCE: A way of finding things out and then making them work. Science
explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but
science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when
it is wrong. There is a lot more Science than you think.
    From A Scientific Encyclopedia for the Enquiring Young Nome
    by Angalo de Haberdasheri
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
"All right," said Masklin. "But you're not to fly down low again and try
to read the signposts. Every time you do that, humans rush into the streets
and we get lots of shouting on the radio."
"That's right." said the Thing. "People are bound to get excited when
they see a ten-million-ton starship trying to fly down the street."
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
"What do people like to drink here, then?"
The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that
they were directly in front of him.
        -- Mort goes out for a drink
           (Terry Pratchett, Wings)#
In the Beginning

It was a nice day.
        -- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#
"Go ahead, bake my quiche"
        -- Magrat instructs the castle cook
           (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, ??)#
Remember, A Dragon is For Life, Not Just for Hogswatchnight
        -- Motto of The Sunshine Home for Sick Dragons in Morphic Street,
           Please Leave Donations of Coal by Side Door.
           (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
There have, in the course of decadent history, been many large wigs, often
with build-in gewgaws to stop people having to look at boring hair all the
time. There had been ones big enough to contain pet mice or clockwork
ornaments. Mme Cupidor, mistress of Mad King Soup II, had one with a bird
cage in it, but on special state occasions wore one containing a perpetual
calendar, a floral clock and a take-away linguini shop.
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
The place looked as though it had been visited by Gengiz Cohen [footnote:
hence the term 'wholesale destruction']
        -- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)#
R. P. Tyler was not, however, satisfied simply with being vouchsafed the
difference between right and wrong. He felt it his bounden duty to tell the
world.
        -- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)#