"What is the definition of a tachyon?  It's a gluon that's not
completely dry."
		- Heard at a New Year's Eve party#
Thomas Edison is alleged to have remarked about his laboratory, "There
ain't no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."#
"A sword is a pen that writes in red ink..."#
"Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing."#
"Only those who attempt the absurd   ...   will achieve the impossible"#
"If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number."#
"A feature is a bug with seniority."#
"Not looking like Pascal is not a language deficiency!"#
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."#
"Good, fast, cheap:  choose any two."#
"People who are incapable of making decisions are the ones who hit
those barrels at freeway exits."#
"In the beginning there was nothing, then God said " Let there be
light".  And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could
see it a lot better"#
"An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit."#
"Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change."#
"Drag...Force which opposes forward motion of aircraft when pilot
forgets to untie tiedown."#
"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking."#
"For non-deterministic read 'Inhabited by pixies'."#
"You can hardly underestimate the importance of this."#
"Suitably interpreted, this is an exact value."#
"The revolution will not be televised."#
"Do not adjust your mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning."#
"When looking into the face of impending doom, smile. If you have to
die, go out with a grin.  The Devil cannot abide to be mocked!"#
"FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by scientists with real
problems."#
"I didn't think he could live down to his reputation, but he did."#
"I don't see the point of lecturers talking, except to resolve some of
the ambiguities in their handwriting."#
"A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry."#
"What's the matter, cat+ got your password?"#
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."#
"I shall explain this by waving my hands about in an appropriate
manner."#
"Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you will consider us again
when your travel plans next include bombing Tripoli."#
"You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi."#
"Now, there are two ways to approach a subject that frightens you and
makes you feel stupid:  you can embrace it with humility and an open
mind, or you can ridicule it mercilessly.  I'm still deciding which I
prefer."#
"/EARTH is 98% full.  Please delete anybody you can."#
"Anything's possible, but only a few things actually happen."#
"A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick it.;
A professional knows how hard."#
"Sometimes I go off into my own little world, but it's okay: they know
me there."#
"bus error - passengers dumped"#
"Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than
no government at all."#
"When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional
division by zero."#
"Only the truly incompetent never fail to disappoint."#
"Quid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin
sounds profound.)#
"Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the
way before it is understood."#
"Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office
and asked, "What wine goes best with an M-16?"  The guy who answered
did his best to be helpful:  "That depends.  What are you smoking?"#
"A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to
run."#
"In the immortal words of the captain of the Titanic, 'Where did all
this fucking ice come from?'"#
"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
any time!"#
"A manager does the thing right.  A leader does the right thing."#
"Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not
nailed down."#
"The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.  They were just the first
not to crash."#
"Master, why is the letter 'i' the symbol for current?"  "Because there
is no letter 'i' in the word 'current'."  "Master, why do we use the
letter 'j' for sqrt(-1)?"  "Because we use the letter 'i' for
current."  Whereupon the Master struck the Disciple, and the Disciple
became enlightened.#
"And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode."#
"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works."#
"Heisenberg might have been here."#
"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."; "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.";
"Hal, I have an axe."; "Yes, Dave, opening pod bay doors now.  Have a
nice day."#
"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip."#
"Q:  Do you know what the death rate around here is?    A:  One per
person."#
"I know you're supposed to take life one day at a time -- but lately
several days have attacked me at once."#
"Cameramen on strike, Slides at 11"#
"I'm paranoid...  I tried to join Paranoids Anonymous.  They wouldn't
let me know where the meetings were."#
"If it's on the plate it's food, if it moves off the plate, kill it and
put it back on the plate."#
"The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any
language."#
"We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!"#
"War does not determine who is right -- only who is left."#
"Somebody's had too much to think"#
"discretely quantized, (adj): covertly flown on an Australian airline"#
"Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts."#
"Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence."#
"Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus."#
"I don't know if I am going to heaven or hell, I just hope God grades
on a curve"#
"Live now.  There'll be plenty of time to be dead later."#