Songs ----- D-A-D-D-Y Psycho Mom Al's Christmas Song Al's Tax Dance Al's Gardening Song At the Nudie Bar Bundy the No-Man D-A-D-D-Y --------- D is for the many pies I baked you A is for the apple in my eye D is for the dish you ate the pie in D is for de apple in my eye Y because I love you Put them all together, they spelly "daddy" "Old-Aid" --------- We are the old, we've got arthritis Our gums are weak ( so weak ) from gingivitis We are the old, we've got arthritis We are the ones who wear bifocals and have bursitis There are people younger but we heed another call We really need the money, our accountants took it all We sing to you, those who have money Once we was cool, but now we just dress funny We need your help, so please please dig deep Don't call after 10 'cos we'll be asleep We have medicare and anti-gas pills But without your help, we can't pay our alimony bills We are the old [ they are the old ] We have arthritis [ they have arthritis ] Once we were gods, no golf excites us [ golf excites 'em ] So write a check ( a really big one ) for our december There's another verse, but we can't remember "Psycho Dad" ------------ Who's that riding in the sun? Who's the man with the itchy gun? Who's the man who kills for fun? Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad. He sleeps with a gun but he loves his son Killed his wife 'cos she weighed a ton. Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad. A little touched or so we're told Killed his wife 'cos she had a cold Might as well she was getting old Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad. He's quick with a gun And his job ain't done. He's Psycho Dad Psycho Mom ---------- Who's that gal that needs no man Killed him dead with a frying pan Did it 'cos he missed the can She's Psycho Mom "Al's Christmas Song" --------------------- Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house no food was stirring not even a mouse. The stockings were hung 'round dad's neck like a tie Along with a note that said 'Presents or die.' The children were plotting all night in their beds. While the wife's constant whining was splitting his head. But, daddy had money this year in the bank. Then they closed up early, now dad's in the tank. All of a sudden Santa appeared, with a snear on his face, booze on his beard. "Santa," I said as he laughed merrily, "You do so much for others, do something for me" "Bundy, he said, you only sell shoes, your son is a sneak thief, your daughter a flooze. Ho, Ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife? her hair is like an A-bomb, her nails like a knife." He climbs up the chimney, fat piece of dung. He mooned me two times. He stuck out his thumb. He exclaimed, as he broke wind with glee, "You're married with children, you'll never be free." "Al's Tax Dance" ---------------- Oh, we're all broke, cha, cha, cha Everybody broke, cha, cha, cha Living in the gutter, cha, cha, cha Early grave, cha, cha, cha Everybody shoot me! "Al's Gardening Song" --------------------- Old MacBundy had a farm B-U-N-D-Y And on this farm there was no wife B-U-N-D-Y And no wife here and no kids there A hooker coming over on Friday night Big bunch of hooters and a pizza and a beer there Old MacBundy had a farm B-U-N-D-Y "At the Nudie bar" ------------------ at the nudie bar where you can look at a thigh and blacken an eye at the nudie bar at the nudie bar where they show you their butt and their trap stays shut at the nudie bar at the nudie bar where you can't touch a breast but you can cave in a chest, at the nudie bar at the nudie bar where the girlies dance in their underpants at the nudie bar at the nudie bar Where the music stinks, and they water the drinks. The nudie bar at the nudie bar Where the beer gives you gas But the Bundy's KICK ASS. the nudie bar Al's " I Care " song -------------------- When hooters giggle around and I find nickels on the ground I care When the Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom's not hers I care When the pitcher's on the mound and the wife is underground I care. But when I've been playing this for days I'll kill anyone who stays I swear! Bundy-the-no-Man <== aka Frosty the Snowman ---------------- Bundy the no man He's as bald as he could be With hair in his nose And rot on his toes He's as bald as he could be Bundy the no man He's as bald as he could be He's into old age, making minimum wage, he's as bald as he can be 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000