Okay, here we go, the complete and unabridged Muppet Show Theme:
(Kermit : It's the Muppet Show, with our bery special guest, ________! YAAAAAAAY!)
(Trumpet music, followed by the opening strains)

Female Muppets: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights,
                It's time to raise the curtains on the Muppet Show tonight!

Male Muppets:   It's time to put on makeup, it's time to dress up right,
                It's time to get things started on the Muppet SHow tonight!

Kermit:         To introduce our guest-star, that's what I'm here to do,
                So it makes me very happy to introduce to you: _________________!

(Band plays)

Statler and Waldorf:  Why do we always come here?  I guess we'll never know,
                      It's like a kind of torture to have to watch this show!

(Some sort of joke is usually slipped in here)

Muppets: But now let's get things started...

Audience: Why don't you get things started!?

Kermit (gradually joined by the rest of the Muppets): It's time to get things
     started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebtrational, muppetational,
     This...is...what...we...call...the...Muppet...Show!!!

(Gonzo's famous trumpet fanfare)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I remember five musicians in the band from the Muppet Movie:
Floyd ("I blow bass.")
Janice ("Like, for sure, really...")
Dr. Teeth ("Golden teeth and golden tones... welcome to my presence.")
Zoot ("Uh oh.  Zoot skipped a groove again... sax is his axe.")
Animal ("Eat drums!"  "No, <beat> drums!")

THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM!!!!!!!

  In the early days of The Muppet Show there was a female trumpet player,
I think she had a purpleish face and blonde hair.  I have no idea if she
even had a name.  In the later Muppet shows Lips joined the Electric
Mayhem as Trumpet player.  I'm not sure what season he started in, but
his first movie appearance was in Muppet Caper.  He's operated by the one
and only Steve Whitmire.

   As for the pit orchestra, I think this was the lineup for them.
Conducting, of course, is Nigel.  On guitar is Sgt. Floyd Pepper (the
hippest of the hip).  On sax is Zoot (Forgive me Charlie Parker wherever
you are).  Tickling the ivories on piano is Rowlf.  Trumpet is that purple
lady in the early days and Lips in the later seasons.  Animal on the drums.
Last, but not least, if you look closely you'll notice that crouched down
in the orchestra pit playing triangle is the one and only Crazy Harry.
Somehow that choice of instrument just doesn't seem to fit him, that's 
what makes it great.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OK, I had enough requests for a Muppets Episodes Guide, so here it is 
for the first season, sorted by guest star.  Hope you don't mind the 
bandwidth!  Songs are shown in "", quotes by characters in ''.  If you 
have suggestions for improving the format, let me know.

RDB

Charles Aznavour	-------------------------------------------------
    "I Feel Pretty", Charles: "Dance the Old-Fashioned Way", Gonzo's rock 
act ('Art!  (thunk!)  Art!  (thunk!)') (I think of this whenever I hear 
some pretentious art/movie critic raving about some piece of junk), Vet's
Hospital, French bread, At the Dance, Charles & Kermit - use French to get
women (Piggy), panel (Gonzo: 'art and culture', Kermit: 'MA, PhD, RSVP, 
whatever'), Charles: "Inchworm".

Kaye Ballard		-------------------------------------------------
    Hillbilly band, Floyd & the theme song, Kaye: "What Would You Say", 
At the Dance, Kaye & Kermit talk, Vendaface, Kaye sings.

Candice Bergen		-------------------------------------------------
    Piggy: "What Now My Love?", Candice: "Put Another Log on the Fire", 
Fozzie's running wire/letter running gag, panel - travel, Kermit & Candice 
& photography, Swedish chef - spicy sauce, Candice as model: "That Face", 
Vet's Hostpital, Candice et al: "You've Got to Have Friends".

Ruth Buzzi		-------------------------------------------------
    Fast # by Dr. Teeth ("Sunny"?), robot host replaces Kermit, At the 
Dance, Wayne & Wanda: "Row, Row, Row", Ruth & Sweetums: "You're Just Too
Good to be True", Ruth & Kermit talk, Fozzie, Ruth as an interrogated spy,
jug band: "Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd"

Phyllis Diller		-------------------------------------------------
    "Mississippi Mud", Phyllis & Rowlf commiserate ('it fell on me!'), At
the dance, Phyllis & Fozzie chat, "Hugga-wugga", Muppet Labs - exploding 
clothes, Vet's Hospital - sick bread, Phyllis plays the sax.

Sandy Duncan		-------------------------------------------------
    Two bomb jokes, Sandy does a drunken bar song & dance, Fozzie's writer
Gags Beasely (and the banana sketch), At the Dance, Sandy cheers up 
Sweetums (and overdoes it with the next one (pie in the face)), "Never 
Smile at a Crocodile", Sandy & Fozzie tease Kermit about the banana sketch, 
Vet's Hospital, Kermit & Sandy: "Try to Remember the Kind of September"

Bruce Forsyth		-------------------------------------------------
    (the only one I don't have!)  "Trudge-Trudge/Streaka-Streaka"

Joel Grey		-------------------------------------------------
    "Comedy Tonight", At the Dance, Joel: "Cabaret"?, Joel & Kermit, "A
Calafica" (sp?), Fozzie's topical jokes, Wayne & Wanda: "Stormy Weather", 
Joel: "Razzle Dazzle".

Valerie Harper		-------------------------------------------------
    Valerie: "Broadway Baby", Swedish chef - Japanese (?) cake, Statler 
courts Valerie, Rowlf poem, At the Dance, "Gonna Find Her", pinch/punch 
line, Wayne & Wanda, Valerie & the Clodhoppers.

Florence Henderson	-------------------------------------------------
    Bouncing Borcelano Brothers, Florence: "Bright Elusive Butterfly of 
Love", At the Dance, Kermit & Florence & Piggy, panel, Fozzie, Florence 
& monsters: "So Happy Together", Koozbanian Mating Ritual ('blam! peep! 
peep! peep!')

Lena Horne		-------------------------------------------------
    The Ragmops, Lena: "I Got a Name", At the Dance, Lena & Kermit talk, 
Swedish chef: living spaghetti, Lena & Gonzo sing, Lena: "Sing a Song".

Harvey Korman		-------------------------------------------------
    Dr. Teeth: "Atom Bomb", Animal interview, Harvey - animal act, panel -
meaning of life, at the Dance, Kermit & Harvey talk, Vet's Hospital, 
Wayne & Wanda, Fozzie, Robin: "Halfway Down the Stairs".

Ethel Merman		-------------------------------------------------
    "Jabba" (slinkies & "whee" sound effect), Ethel & the Muppets do a 
medley of her songs, Fozzie's agent, Ethel & Animal (Ethel: 'Eek!'; 
Animal: 'Perfect pitch!'), Ethel & Kermit talk, Richard Bradshaw - shadow 
puppets, Fozzie's act ('that Gonzo is so dumb - I told him there was water
shortage and he suggested we dilute it!'), "There's no Business Like Show 
Business".

Rita Moreno		-------------------------------------------------
    Rita - slapstick cafe, Vet's Hospital (Fozzie), phone running gag, 
Swedish chef - flapjacks, At the Dance, Marvin Suggs & the Muppetphones, 
panel - conversation a dying art?, Rita & Kermit talk, Wayne & Wanda, 
Fozzie, Rita: "Fever".

Mummenschanz		-------------------------------------------------
    Scooter & Floyd: "Mr. Bassman", Gonzo romances Piggy (?), Mummenschanz-
notepad faces, library sketch - Blue Danube, Mummenschaz - crawlies, At 
the Dance, Kermit "talks" to the Mummenschanz, Wayne & Wanda: "Paper Moon",
Vendaface, Mummenschanz - clay faces.

Jim Nabors		-------------------------------------------------
    Dr. Teeth:  "Money", intro. of Scooter, Jim: "Gone With the Wind", 
danceros (?), At the Dance, Jim & Kermit, Fozzie, Jim:  "Thank God I'm a 
Country Boy".

Juliet Prowse		-------------------------------------------------
    "Ma-na-ma-na", Juliet dances, At the Dance, Juliet & Kermit talk, 
Western sketch (loaded pickles), Scooter & Fozzie: "Simon Smith & His 
Dancing Bear", glee club: "Temptation".

Vincent Price		-------------------------------------------------
    "Under My Skin", Vincent - house of horror ('then I get mean!'), Wayne
& Wanda, panel - gourmet food ('you must admit Froggy, you look mighty 
tasty!'), At the Dance, Vampires, News flash - furniture monsters 
(priceless!), Vincent: "You've Got a Friend".

Avery Schreiber		-------------------------------------------------
    Dr. Teeth: "Tenderly", Piggy uses Scooter to make Kermit jealous, 
Avery duels Sweetums using insults, Muppet Labs - gorilla detector, Avery 
& Fozzie - the old living painting sketch, At the Dance, Wayne & Wanda, 
Vet's Hostpital, Avery & Fozzie do an act, Avery & some creatures do a 
silly song.

Connie Stevens (+ Bert & Ernie) -----------------------------------------
    Kermit: "Lydia" (tattooed pig), Fozzie & Gonzo's old teddy bear ('that
bear is the most beat-up thing I've ever seen - get rid of it!'), Swedish
chef - rubber meatballs, Connie: "Teenager in Love", At the Dance, Connie &
Kermit & Fozzie: "Close to You", Zoot & his sax, Ernie & Bert & Connie.

Twiggy			-------------------------------------------------
    "Dance" (fuzzy snakes), Phantom of the Muppet Show, Twiggy holds a 
press conference & sings "There Are Places I Remember" (with photo history), 
Wayne & Wanda: "Let It Snow", skit - the king's breakfast, At the Dance, 
Vendaface, Twiggy: "Nobody's Business But My Own" (country scene)

Peter Ustinov		-------------------------------------------------
    An evening at the pops, Muppet Labs - Peter as a robot diplomat, At the
Dance, Peter & Fozzie discuss economics (a Benny shaved is a Benny urned),
"You Do Something to Me (kablam)", News flash - cure for the cold, Wayne &
Wanda: Falling Leaves", panel - psychiatry, "It's Not Easy Being Green".

Ben Vereen		-------------------------------------------------
    "Boogie Woogie Music", Fozzie & the magic cabinet, Ben: "Mr. Cellophane", 
At the Dance, Ben & Kermit, Vet's Hospital, Wayne & Wanda, Ben: "Imagination".

Paul Williams		-------------------------------------------------
    "All of Me", Paul: "Just an Old-Fashioned Love Song", Muppet Labs: all-
purpose tenderizer, Rowlf: "Silence", At the Dance, Scooter & Fozzie do the
telephone pole bit, Paul sings.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry for the ^M's in the Season 1 Episode Guide; blame it on the 
Kermit (!!!) protocol that I used to upload it to Freenet.  If I should 
repost it with them taken out, let me know.  I would have edited the file
after uploading before posting it, but I only had five minutes left and
it was late at night, etc., etc.  Hopefully things go better this time.

{PS inserted at post-time:  the ^M's disappeared after I posted the message
- wonder what _that_ was all about.  They're in this one too as I'm editing
it, but will take a chance and assume they'll be fixed when I post it)}

RDB (Ron D. Bauerle)

Season 2 Muppets

Songs are shown in "", quotes by characters in ''.  If anybody has any
suggestions for improving the format, let me know.

Julie Andrews	---------------------------------------------------------
    goatherd #, newsflash - 'and a bowling (konk)!', Gonzo and bagpipes and
flagpole and a beaver, Rowlf: "Moonlight Sonata", a cow gets backstage, Julie 
& Kermit & mayhem, At the Dance - Gonzo: "Won't Someone Dance With Me?" 
(lyrics appended at end of post), Julie sings to Kermit, Sam on 'namby-pamby
conservationists', Muppet Labs - hair-growing tonic, Julie & the monsters.

Edgar Bergen	---------------------------------------------------------
    chickens: "Baby Face", "Consider Yourself", Fozzie tries ventriloquism, 
Pigs in Sapce, Fozzie & Edgar & Mortimer Snerd, "Time in a Bottle", Edgar 
& Charlie McCarthy.

Milton Berle	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Make-uuup!',  "There are millions of us who are ugly", Fozzie hides 
from Milton, Milton's act, Pigs in Space ('It looks like the headlight 
of a motorcycle' ('tune in next week for last week's Pigs in Spaaaace'), 
Milton: "The Entertainer", Zelda Rose & her singing owl, top banana.

Teresa Brewer	---------------------------------------------------------
  "Wild Thing" (the version you could show your children, not the Sam 
Kinison trash), At the Dance, Muppet Labs - nose warmer, Waldorf & Statler 
- the evil eye, "What Goes Up", Teresa: "Nickleodeon".

George Burns	---------------------------------------------------------
  'Gonzo fiddles while George Burns!', Piggy in a Latin #, gossip columnist,
George: "Train Back Home", "Chattanooga Choo Choo", George and columnist:
'Is that a lie?' 'One of my best!', Vet's Hospital, At the Dance: "I Won't 
Dance", Waldorf & Statler: ('Bravo! Bravo!' 'Why are you yelling bravo?  
Did you like it that much?' 'No - friend of mine - Joe Bravo - he's sitting 
in the third row. Bravo! Bravo!' 'Up here!'), world's most powerful 
explosive (IMHO, one of, if not _the_, funniest Muppet skits ever done -
see transcription at end of post), Scooter & Kermit & the reporter 
('I didn't know where to begin!'), George again.

Petula Clark	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Anchors Aweigh in the Morning",  Petula does a song & dance #, Old 
West bar with chickens (priceless!), Mickey Moose, At the Dance, Petula 
& Rowlf do a number, Vet's Hospital, "Tomorrow".

John Cleese	---------------------------------------------------------
    stagehands drop 2 weights, hillbilly band: "Somebody Stole My Gal", 
Gonzo catches a cannonball with one hand, John: 'I don't work with pigs 
or monsters', then his agent is eaten by one, Pigs in Space - John as a 
pirate with a nagging parrot, waiter jokes, Robin & Sweetums sing, John 
"fires" Gonzo, Kermit interviews the Koozbainian all-liquid "spoobol", 
John 'doesn't' do a final number.

Judy Collins	---------------------------------------------------------
    Judy: "How-dee-do-dee-diddle-o-day", J.P. Gross threatens to tear down
the theater, Pigs in Space - mid-course correction ('I only went to college 
for four years to do this maneuver' 'tune in again and miss the continuation
of...', Judy: "An old lady who swallowed a fly", Kozbainain Foob, Judy & 
Rowlf: "Do-re-me", Swedish chef - salad & Brussels sprouts & coconut, 
Judy: Send in the Clowns".

Dom DeLuise	---------------------------------------------------------
    Piggy: "Follow the Band", Dom visits Koozbain: 'merdlelidop', Piggy 
rigs the audience, Vet's Hospital, Dr. Teeth, Dom as an animal shelter 
director, Piggy & Dom sing.

Bob Hope	---------------------------------------------------------
   "Calypso", Animal looks for a hobby, "What's Going On" (animals in 
forest), newsflash, Bob keeps popping in & out, Swedish Chef - pressed
duck, Muppet Labs - automatic wastebasket, Bob does the cowboy sketch.

Elton John	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Crocodile Rock", Swedish chef - chicken with ping-pong eggs, "Benny 
& the Jets", Vet's Hospital, "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", Pigs in Space 
('tune in again next week & be bored again...'), Piggy & Elton: "Don't 
Go Breaking My Heart".

Madeline Kahn	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Happy Feet", Madeline sings & dances, Gonzo falls in love with her, 
Swedish chef - lobsters ('what the hey'), Pigs in Space ('tune in in 2 
weeks & miss next week's...), Fozzie sings, Madeline & the park & the 
monster, Gonzo: "Someone Else But Me" (lyrics appended at end of post).

Don Knotts	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Sweet Gingerbread Man", "Windmills of Your Mind", Fozzie helps Kermit
plan the show, Don - beast of the week, Vet's Hospital, Don & Fozzie, 
Rowlf & friend: What a Wonderul World", Swedish chef - fish chowder, 
"Lullaby of Birdland".

Cleo Laine	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Limbo", Fozzie's mother, Cleo: "Ain't Got That Swing", Bruce Schwartz
(puppets), Cleo & Swedish Chef, Fozzie - phrenology, Cleo & puppet: "If".

Cloris Leachman	---------------------------------------------------------
    The pigs take over, pig music, Cloris & Link sing, Swedish chef pig -
popcorn, Pigs in Space - chopped liver, Cloris & 2 monsters on island 
('dinner or dish?').

Rich Little	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Sean San D'amour" (sp?) (Crazy Harry), Gonzo auditions chickens, Rich
does Fozzie et al, At the Dance ('what's the quickest way out of here???' 
'through the roof!' Kablam!), lizard & worm ('dew,dew,dew,dewt'), Rich & 
the reporters, Vet's Hospital, Gonzo & Lolita, Richa salutes the musicals.    

Steve Martin	---------------------------------------------------------
    Kermit auditions new acts, Steve: 'killer balloons', Marvin Suggs and
his singing food (I think the tomato is cute!).

Jaye P. Morgan	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Scooter - I have a present for you!  Kablam!', "Tweedly deedily dum",
Swedish chef - bomb inside coconut, 'Crazy Harry baked that cake!' 'Kablam!'
'Hey Kermit - how about we stick to cute?', Gonzo plays "Flight of the
Bumblebee", At the Dance - 'the trouble with you is...', Jaye P & Kermit 
talk about explosions, Floyd & Nergil (sp?) - whistling & bassist, Pigs 
in Space - they need to jettison one pig (Piggy: 'are you out of your 
_mind_?') ('tune in next week for the replacement for...'), Sam talks 
about crime, Jaye P.: "That Old Black Magic".

Zero Mostel	---------------------------------------------------------
    Chopin by Dr. Teeth (Sam: 'What?'), Zero as Henry VIII: "What Do 
Simple Folk Do?", At the Dance - tennis jokes (Crazy Harry:  'you say you 
want a big racket?'), Muppet Labs - magnetic carrots, Statler & Waldorf 
watching TV, Zero & Sam ('yes, dignified!'), the smoking saxophone, Zero
confronts his fears, lady wrestling.

Rudolf Nureyev	---------------------------------------------------------
    Dr. Teeth _tries_ to play a minuet, Sam throws Rudolph out ('Who do 
these riff-raff think they are?' 'That one thinks he's Rudolph Nureyev!'), 
Link & Piggy do Wagnerian opera & get into a fight, Rudolph does "Swine 
Lake", Dr. Bob pays tribute to Shakespeare, Rudolph & Piggy do a sauna 
sketch, Rowlf forgets his candelabra & Fozzy can't get it lighted, 
Rudolph's final # is a 40's dance routine ("Putting on my Top Hat").

Bernadette Peters--------------------------------------------------------
    Kermit & Miss Mousey & Miss Piggy, Robin wants to be noticed, 
Bernadette & Hairy monsters, Vet's Hospital, the ant & the grasshopper 
(priceless!  'the grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida and the ant 
got stepped on'), Robin & Bernadette & co., Swedish Chef - chicken egg, 
Muppet Labs - Bunsonium, Robin: "I'm Five", Bernadette: Apple Jack".

Lou Rawls	---------------------------------------------------------
    Lou: "Groovy People", newsflash - mallerditis, Dr. Bob does a sketch
twice, Lou meets Animal, Fozzie learns to skate for his act, Swedish chef 
_almost_ prepares frog's legs (Robin's), At the Dance, Kermit & Piggy do 
a Hawaiian moon #, Lou sings "Jazz", Muppet Labs - nuclear shaver, 
Fozzie, Lou again.

Peter Sellers	---------------------------------------------------------
    Peter as a gypsy violinist, Rowlf, Peter & chickens, Peter as a 
masseur, Kermit: "It's Not Easy Being Green", Muppet Labs - teleporter, 
Peter in Salvation Army sketch.

Nancy Walker	---------------------------------------------------------
    Kermit gets sick & leaves Fozzie in charge, cannon target practive, 
Nancy - hungry monster, At the Dance, Vet's Hospital, bird in a cage, 
Nancy & Fozzie, Sam & nudity, Nancy & Sweetums, (fire?) (?).
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gonzo's Song from the Madeline Kahn episode:

I wish I had, a coat of silk, the color of the sky;
I wish I had, a lady fair, as any butterfly;
I wish I had, a house of stone, that looked down on the sea;
But most of all, I wish that I, was someone else but me.

Now I don't have, a coat of silk, but still I have the sky;
Now I don't have a lady, but there goes a butterfly;
Now I don't have, a house of stone, but I can see the sea;
Now most of all, I know that I, am happy to be me;
I'm happy to be me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gonzo's Song from At the Dance:

And now the band is playing very slow
and once again I'll get my coat and go;
a lonely wallflower, waiting by the wall,
without the willpower, to face the music at all.

Please, won't somebody dance with me?
Start up a romance with me?

Just someone to care, someone somewhere, who will dance with me?

Please, won't somebody dance with me?
Start up a romance with me?

(pause while the network slits its wrists) :^)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Explosive device skit from George Burns episode:

A machine ("M" hereafter) is sitting on a counter.  It has various parts 
mounted on it, and two spinning tape drives? that look like eyes, and a
cylinder with a horizontal slit that serves as a mouth mounted below it.  
The small hairy monster with the two horns ("HM" hereafter) walks up 
behind it and turns a knob on it.

M:  (buzzzz).  This is a recorded analytic program read-out (beeep!)  
    We will start with the upper right of the module.  You will note the 
    Longitudinally Polarized Antenna.  This component is virtually 
    indestructible
    (HM pulls it off with a 'poing' sound effect and eats it) 

M:  and is guaranteed for the life of the unit.  
    (red alarm bell on top of M rings)

M:  There is an alarm system which is activated if any portion of the 
    machine is damaged.  
    (HM pulls bell off and eats it)

M:  Adjacent to the alarm is the Digital Iambic Generator.  
    (HM pulls it off (it beeps thrice) and eats it)

M:  This unit is pressurized with large amounts of methane gas.  
    (HM gives a long, low-pitched belch)

M:  On the top of the Intercellular Power Generator you will see a 
    Spherical Bulbic Oblongata.
    (HM finds it, looks at the camera and points to it)

M:  It should be noted that this unit alone is worth over $70,000.  
    (HM pulls it off, eats it, & wipes his mouth with a cash register 
    sound effect).

M:  By way of contrast the Doppler Sublimated Magneto located on the 
    front of the generator 
    (HM pulls it off and prepares to eat it)

M:  can be purchased in any hardware store for about 37 cents.  
    (HM looks at it and tosses it over his shoulder)

M:  The Intercellular Power Structure and Generator itself is filled 
    with a series of Ni-some Coils and Attenuated Bihollowreedinous (?) 
    Vapor (?).  In the same circuit there is an Intaglioic Pneumatic...
    (rest is lost due to noise of HM destroying and eating M).  

M:  The Electromagnetic Console 
    (HM eats the last part of M - the talking cylinder).  

M:  In conclusion, nothing can keep this machine from performing its primary 
    function, which is to be the most powerful exploding device known to man.
    (HM puts hand to ear, a ticking sound is heard, and HM explodes).

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Season 3 Muppets, alphabetical by guest star			8/12/93

Songs are shown in "", quotes by characters in ''.  

Pearl Bailey	---------------------------------------------------------
  'Oh, clam up!'; "My Soul Is a Witness"; Muppet labs - edible paperclips;
complaints about the final #; Floyd & Pearl: "In the Good Old Summertime";
Pigs in Space - snacka waves; At the Dance; the jousting scene from Camelot.

Harry Belafonte	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Day Oh", Tea for Two", Fozzie tries to write a script, Pigs in Space -
dissolvatron, Animal & Harry drum contest, Muppet sports - blindfolded 
races, Harry:  "Turn the World Around".

Marisa Berenson	---------------------------------------------------------
    Alligator luggage, Russian dancing, introduction? of Lou Zealand, Piggy
"stages" a wedding, Marisa & some fur pieces: "Dance", wig racing, do-re-mi,
"Our House", cafeteria: chef makes the wedding cake, Lou gets 'something on 
the side'.

Roy Clark	---------------------------------------------------------
    Fozzie sends the stagehands to the country, Roy plays 4 instruments:
"Rocky Top", the theater catches fire, Swedish chef - killer dough, Pigs
in Space - toaster wires used to fix the ship, Roy: "Only Time Will Tell", 
At the Dance - barn dance, Gonzo pogo-sticks a hole in the floor, 
Roy: "Sally was a Good Ol' Girl".

James Coco	---------------------------------------------------------
  'Press that jacket!'; "An Octopus' Garden Under the Sea"; James as a gypsy
fortune teller; Rowlf's tribute to Beethoven: "8 Little Notes", Swedish chef's
act interrupted by dancers, "Catch a Falling Star", Vet's Hospital - dancing
girls, James: "Short People".

Rita Coolidge & Kris Kristofferson --------------------------------------
    Kris & Piggy: "Make It Through the Night", Gonzo & piano & 7X (?), 
Muppet labs - atomic elevator shoes, Rita: "We're All Alone" (almost), 
band: "New York State of Mind", chicken chimes, Fozzie: "An Actor's Life 
for Me", Kris & Rita sing.

Alice Cooper	---------------------------------------------------------
    (Kermit: 'Weird!  Weird show!'), "Welcome to My Nightmare", Alice's 
contract with the devil, Muppet Labs - germ enlarger ('comes out of your 
pay, Beaker!'), toothache, Robin: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", "You & Me", 
Pigs in Space - electroshock, "School's Out".

Danny Kaye	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Age of Aquarius", Waldorf & Statler think Danny's someone else, 
dancing food on the construction site, Rowlf & Piggy rehearse & Danny 
joins them ('years & years ago when you were thin!'), "Cheek to Cheek", 
Danny plays the Swedish chef's uncle, "Inchworm".

Cheryl Ladd	---------------------------------------------------------
    Piggy & Link do a jungle #, Fozzie goes on a self-improvement kick, 
Cheryl sings & dances, Pigs in Space - invisible pills, Piggy & Cheryl talk 
about karate, Gonzo hypnotizes himself into supporting 5000 pounds, 
"Sunshine On My Shoulder".

Liberace	---------------------------------------------------------
    Piggy: Greek #, Swedish chef - percolator, Vet's Hospital, Liberace's
bird auditions, Liberace's act.

Loretta Lynn	---------------------------------------------------------
    The show is done at a railroad station, Loretta: "You're Looking at 
Country", Piggy sings "I'm All Alone" & is interrupted by passengers, 
Fozzie's joke is interrupted by a train, At the Dance, Loretta: "Poor 
Lonesome Me", Vet's Hosptital, news flashes ('got any chocolate piglets?' 
'_no_'), Gonzo & Kermit get shipped out by accident, "The Rhyming Song", 
Loretta: "One's on the Way".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Fozzie:   Let's all sing the rhyming song,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            Let's take turns and rhyme together,
            The rhyming song.

Scooter:  I was hungry but now I'm not,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            'Cause I ate some beans and grapes!  (pause)
            The rhyming song!

Both:       Let's all sing the rhyming song,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            Let's take turns and rhyme together,
            The rhyming song.

Annie:    I left my knees in your car,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            My laundry's ready at half past nine!
            The rhyming song.

All:        Let's all sing the rhyming song,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            Let's take turns and rhyme together,
            The rhyming song.

Link:       The stars are twinkling in the sky,
            The rhyming song, the rhyming song,
            There's no hot water in my hotel!
            The rhyming song.

Scooter:  This is not the rhyming song,
All:        The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
Fozzie:   I know it's not the rhyming song!
All:        The rhyming song.

Annie:    What'll we do now?
Link:       I don't know!
All:        The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
Fozzie:   Let's jump up and down, and wave our arms in the air,
            and get off the stage!

Statler: Boy, they're really getting desparate.
Waldorf: Maybe that's a good sign; soon they might panic and run away!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Roger Miller	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Alabama Bound" - penguins & Mayflower, cluckitis (best running gag 
they ever had, IMHO), Roger sings with some watermelons, Bear on Patrol - 
assaulting an officer, Roger: "A Hat Like That", Vet's Hospital, Roger: 
"Whack-A-Doo", "Dang Me".

Spike Milligan	---------------------------------------------------------
    Tribute to Japan, Spike & Sam, Scottish music, Spike & newsman,
international jam session, Spike & windowshade, "It's a Small World".

Gilda Radner	---------------------------------------------------------
    Eskimo pigs: "Lullaby of Broadway", Gilda & carrot: "I Am a Model of 
a Modern Major General", melodrama, Marvin Suggs & Muppetphones: "Witch 
Doctor", Muppet labs - super glue, Gilda: Tap Your Troubles Away".

Helen Reddy	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Staying Alive" - French court, Helen in recording studio, Beauregard
at work, Fozzie's dance #, Helen: "You & Me Against the World", Vet's 
Hospital, Helen: "We'll Sing in the Sunshine".

Lynn Redgrave	---------------------------------------------------------
    Robin Hood: cavorting in the woods, the Sheriff catches Lynn (Maid 
Marian), Piggy wants a role, Gonzo tortures himself instead of Lynn, the 
archery contest, Kermit & Lynn sing, Piggy has Lynn locked in her dressing 
room, town crier, Kermit & co. rescue Lynn, final #.

Roy Rogers & Dale Evans -------------------------------------------------
    "Blue Skies", Roy: Skyball Paint", Muppet sports - horseshoe pitching,
Dale: "Deep in the Heart of Texas", Bear on Patrol - Bullets Barker, Roy 
& Dale: "Hazy Mountain".

Leo Sayer	---------------------------------------------------------
    "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing", Miss Piggy gets jealous over Annie 
Sue, "Carbon Paper", Piggy: "The Daffodils" (allergy), Leo: "Won't Let the 
Show Go On", Fozzie & Annie Sue do a memory trick, Leo: "When I Need You".

Elke Sommer	---------------------------------------------------------
    Bobby Benton's Baby Band, "Animal Cracker", Pigs in Space - first pigs 
on Koozbain, Elke & Gonzo joke about Piggy's French, Bo & Beaker build the
scenery, Muppet sports - goldfish shooting ('missed!' 'ptoo!'), Egyptian 
finale: "Row, Row, Row".

Sylvester Stallone ------------------------------------------------------
    Hawaiian #, Sly's groupies, Sly & the lion & the arena: "Let's Call the
Whole Thing Off", Sly & the groupies, Otto the robot comedian ('_This_ is a
robot?' '_This_ is a comedian?'), Link & Sly, Vet's Hospital, Fozzie saws Otto
in half ('Watch out for the power supply!'), Sly: "Bird in a Gilded Cage".

Jean Stapleton	---------------------------------------------------------
    Mexican #, Animal eats Gonzo's jumping beans, Jean & Fozzie sing, At 
the Dance, Sam & Jean & the Swedish chef talk, Miss Piggy does a melodrama, 
Muppet labs - shrinking pills, Jean sings with Crazy Harry.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Basically Jean tells Sam that the Swedish chef does not speak Swedish but
in fact speaks mock Swedish.  Sam is shocked and angered and calls the
Swedish chef over.  The chef babbles something which Jean interprets, 
explaining that she speaks fluent mock Swedish.  A conversation ensues
bewtween Sam and the chef with Jean translating where Sam tells him
to stop speaking mock Swedish.  The chef promises not to and bows, saying
something uninterpretable.  Sam asks what he said and Jean says that she
doesn't know as she does not speak mock Japanese.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Leslie Uggams and Big Bird ----------------------------------------------
    Leslie sings with the big monsters, Gonzo dates Camilla, Muppet labs -
fireproof paper, Leslie sings with Lou Zealand, Bear on patrol - 
impersonating an officer, Vend-a-wish, Gonzo & Camilla & Big Bird, Leslie 
& Big Bird: "Love Will Keep Us Together".

Lesley Ann Warren -------------------------------------------------------
    Leslie _and_ Warren, Gonzo's motorcycle act ('yes, I will ride _this_
motorcyle up _this_ ramp and land safely between those two elderly 
gentlemen!' '_What?_' 'Oh, don't worry, you won't be in any danger!' 
'You're right - we'll be in Chicago!' 'For their protection, I took the 
liberty of chaining them to their seats while they were napping!' 
'_WHATTTT??? Help!  Help!'), Leslie does "Beauty and the Beast" (_not_ the 
Disney version!), Pigs in Space - dummo rays ('tune in next week and we'll 
try to have an explanation for this week's...'), Leslie & Marvin Suggs, 
Leslie: "Just the Way You Are", Leslie & Link: "Last Dance".

Raquel Welch	---------------------------------------------------------
  'Oh, please want to!', Raquel does a prehistoric # with a spider, Fozzie 
tries to be more dominant, Gonzo: "Jamboree", At the Dance, Raquel sings 
"Confide in Me" to Fozzie, Swedish chef - 'chickie in the basket - 
2 points!', Piggy & Raquel sing "I'm a Woman".

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Season 4 Muppets, alphabetical by guest star			8/21/93

Songs are shown in "", quotes by characters in ''.  

Whoops!  "trudge, trudge/streaka, streaka" is on the Anne Murray show, not
Bruce Forsyth; those of you who care for accuracy should correct your Season 
1 list.  Shows how pathetic my memory is; I didn't remember having it on 
tape!  Of course, it _would_ have to be at the other end of the tape :^(  

Alan Arkin	---------------------------------------------------------
    "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", the Bun-bun brothers (first 
appearance of Bean Bunny?), ultra-powerful Jeckyll-Hyde potion, 
"Zippity-Doo-Dah", Fozzie: "I Got Rhythm", Pigs in Space - weight problem, 
Fozzie, Kermit drinks the potion too, Alan: "Pig".

Victor Borge	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Macho Man", Bobbie Benson & his baby band (investigated by the 
police), Victor & Rowlf play, the singing rats: "Rock Around the Clock", 
Victor plays some more, Victor & the baby band.

Dyan Cannon	---------------------------------------------------------
    Piggy's dog Foofoo, Gerry & the Atrics: "Hound Dog", Dyan: We'll "Stay
Right Here", Vet's Hospital, pet wig, Swedish chef - hot dogs, Dyan & dogs: 
"Hey Big Spender".

Lynda Carter	---------------------------------------------------------
    Indian sacrifice: "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends", Wonder 
Pig, how to be a superhero, Lynda: "Rubber Band Man", the curse of Rezal-
Ivod-Gib (crocodile god), Floyd: "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", Super 
Sheep, Lynda: "Flash! Bam! Alacazam!".

The version of "Rubber-band Man" on that show has some great puppetry.
But I think my favorite part of this episode is the whole sub-plot
in which Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter, Link, Lew Zealand, and Rizzo are all
learning to be super heros from the book "Invinicibility made Easy."
The scene in which they try to learn to fly is classic.  They are all
standing atop a ladder building up their confidence that they can fly.
"I was born to fly! The Air is my home!"  Another great scene is the
one where Lew Zealand is learning how to have X-ray vision, but I won't
go into that now.

	Allow me.  The joke starts with Fozzie reading about swinging 
across buildings on a rope.  The book suggests practicing by swinging
on a rope across a room. (Foz: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!")
	Meanwhile, Lew is reading about X-ray vision.  Find a door, stare
at it for several seconds, and the door will seem to disappear and you'll 
see a room.
	Lew starts staing at the door.  Here comes Fozzie doing his Tarzan
imitation, crashing into the door Lew is staring at and knocking it down.
Lew:   "A ROOM!!!!  I HAVE X-RAY VISION!!!!!"

Carol Channing	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Jeepers Creepers", whistling Cecilia, Piggy buys too small shoes, 
"Your Feet's Too Big".

John Denver	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Why Can't We Be Friends?", John: "Inch By Inch", everybody plans to 
go to the swamp, Swedish chef - squirrel stew, Gonzo's mold garden, 
mountain climbers: "Fal-da-ra-aaaah", John: "Grandma's Feather Bed".

Lola Falana	---------------------------------------------------------
    Gonzo's Indian movie deal, the chickens & Gonzo: "Bye Bye Ladies", 
Lola sings & dances, Gonzo: "My Way", Muppet sports - tree-staring 
(priceless!), Gonzo & Lola, "United We Stand".

Crystal Gayle	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Swawnee" (Bavarian), the Prairie Dog Glee Club (kleptomaniacs), 
Crystal sings, Pigs in Space - Dirth Nader ('tune in next week for an 
apology for this week's...'), salamander? quartet, Muppet labs - electric 
banana sharpener, Crystal - stormy ship number.

Phyllis George	---------------------------------------------------------
    The Fred awards, Swedish chef: "Yes We Have No Bananas", Pigs in Space,
Phyllis: "Carbon Paper", Rowlf: "You & Me & George", list of guest stars,
Vet's Hospital, Kermit wins performer of the year, "There's No Business 
Like Show Business".

Dizzy Gillespie	---------------------------------------------------------
    Waldorf's wife Astoria, fish band, noise inspector, Dizzy plays & 
sings, Vet's Hospital, musician jokes, Dizzy again, Fozzie, final #: Dizzy 
& the inspector.

Arlo Guthrie	---------------------------------------------------------
    Arlo et al: "Deedily Dum", news flash - bumper crop, cow group: 
"Elegance", Swedish chef - roast turkey, At the (violent) Square Dance, 
Arlo & cows: "Get Along Little Dogies", chef - roast pig/beef, Fozzie/Gonzo 
- poetry/flamenco, chef - veggie stew, Arlo: "Never Alone".

Doug Henning	---------------------------------------------------------
    Piggy & Kermit: "It's Magic", Fozzie pulls rabbits out of a hat, Doug 
does cookie sheets through a box with a person in it, Robin: "Leave Me Some 
Magic", Doug & Robin do some cloth magic, "There'll Be Some Changing", 
Fozzie does the Indian rope trick, Doug does a switcheroo magic trick.

Linda Lavin	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Make me a sandwich!  OK, you're a sandwich!', Kermit's birthday, "Be 
a Frog", Linda sings, Robin in Vet's Hostpital, Statler & Waldorf: "It Was
a Very Good Year", Kermit's old acting teacher, Wayne & Wanda, Linda sings
(spiral birtday cake #).

Liza Minnelli	---------------------------------------------------------
    Murder mystery, "Copa Cabana", 'oink!', "It's Gonna Be a Great Day", 
the darkened room, Liza & Kermit sing, poisoned soup, the killers revealed,
"Everything's Coming Up Roses".

Dudley Moore	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Give Me an A", bug band: "She Loves You", Dudley's music machine, At
the Dance, Dudley: "Momma Don't Allow", Pigs in Space - music machine 
(charges will be pressed) (?), Floyd & Animal talk to Dudley about the 
machine, Gonzo - defusing a bomb (priceless!), final number (falling 
buildings).

	I liked the episode with Dudley Moore and "M.A.M.A." (Moore's
Amazing Musical *something*) Dudley sings "Mama Don't Allow" with the
machine instead of the Electric Mayhem, and the band takes takes it
personally.  Kermit decides to use M.A.M.A. for the rest of the show
and the Mayhem gets really mad.  
	M.A.M.A. gets involved in almost every other sketch in the show.
The funniest was when it appeared in the "Pigs in Space" scene.  It kept
building suspense music during a "gloom & doom" dialogue exchange until--
Link:	"This is a catastrophe!"
M.A.M.A.:   (Wimpy "womp-womp" sound)
Link:	"Hey, how come it always plays funny music when I talk?"
	M.A.M.A. gets a little too close to Gonzo's bomb defusing stunt
and gets demolished, as well as the entire backstage area!
Waldorf:  "Well, at least they blew up the right half of the theater."
Statler:  "Yep . . . "
Both:     "THEIR half! (laugh)"
	Dudley "fixes" M.A.M.A. and programs her for the shows closing
theme.  It starts out fine, but then every 10-15 seconds or so, there's
this slot-machine sound and the music changes to something else from the 
show!

Anne Murray	---------------------------------------------------------
    "I Get Around" (motorcycles), "Spread Your Tiny Wings", 'trudge-trudge
(streaka-streaka!)', loose skateboard, "Walk Right Back", Bo - ghost on 
his ceiling, Muppet sports - bagpipe eating ('you can't eat that bagpipe!  
It's not _dead_ yet!  There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded 
bagpipe...'), "Everything Old is New Again".

Christopher Reeve -------------------------------------------------------
    Kermit does a disco # in the swamp, Chris plays Hamlet, Piggy chases 
after Chris, news flash - killer lamb, Chris stars in Vet's Hospital, 
Muppet labs - electrically heated milking machine, Piggy:  "East of the 
Sun & West of the Moon".

Kenny Rogers	---------------------------------------------------------
    Kermit falls off trapeze, "Lime in the Coconut", drilling for oil in 
Kenny's room, News flash - pop-up toaster, Kenny: "The Gambler", Vet's 
Hospital - Kermit, Gonzo - catapult & Hallelujah Chorus, Kenny: "Love 
Lifted Me"?

Diana Ross	---------------------------------------------------------
    keeping score(?) "Let's Go to Rio", Diana: "Love Hangover", the Gills
brothers, hostile audience (except for Diana), Pigs in Space - Link drops
his leaking lighter next to a tank of nitroglycerine ('all right then, don't,
see if I care!'), "Last Time I Saw Him", "Reach Out & Touch Somebody".

Shields & Yarnell -------------------------------------------------------
    Robots in the dressing room, "Take a Chance", robots having breakfast,
Gonzo "talks" to S&Y, Wild West sketch, Fozzie tries mime, 6 whatevers (?), 
S&Y do a song & dance routine: "Make 'Em Laugh".

Beverly Sills	---------------------------------------------------------
    Statler & Waldorf do a vaudeville opening number, Fozzie introduces 
Beverly as a country singer, newsflash - 'till the cows come home', spoon 
hanging, Beverly auditions for "Pigoletto", Sam lectures on microorganisms, 
Pigoletto.

Star Wars	---------------------------------------------------------
    Sheep #: "Rama-lama-ding-dong", Gargling Gershwin, Scooter plays 
guitar: "6-String Orchestra", Luke takes over the Swinetrek & Piggy is the 
"Princess", they land on Koobzain & confront 'Dirth Nader' (Gonzo), they 
all join in a closing song & dance #.

Andy Williams	---------------------------------------------------------
    Fozzie: "Behind the Green Door", Andy: "Love Story" (while Piggy 
chases Kermit), Vet's Hospital, Andy & barbershop quartet: "Jubilee Time", 
Muppet labs - pet converter, Andy & Kermit sing.

Jonathan Winters --------------------------------------------------------
    Gypsy curse, Jonathan's act, meteor falls on Kermit, "On Her Doorstep
Last Night", Bear on Patrol - captures an octopus, Muppet labs - luggage 
compressor, "You'll Never Walk Alone" (caterpillar in the rain), everybody 
turns Swedish, 'bouncy' final number.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Season 5 Muppets, alphabetical by guest star			8/24/93

Songs are shown in "", quotes by characters in ''.  

Joan Baez	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Smarter than man', Beau & the rats, Joan sings, Joan does Marlon Brando,
Pigs in Space ('..should give you time to recover...'), Joan: "The Night They
Drove Old Dixie Down", Fozzie in the woods, "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?"

Shirley Bassey	---------------------------------------------------------
    "You Can Comb My Crocodile", Boogie in the Barnyard", Shirley sings in
a gold processing plant, the show is loaned $50 million in gold bars, 
Muppet labs - gold into cottage cheese, trumpet beast & ball shooter, 
"Pennies From Heaven", news flash - gold security, Gonzo conducts & duels 
a crab, "Goldfinger".

Wally Boag	---------------------------------------------------------
    Flying Zucchini Brothers, Wally's balloon act, Piggy & Foo-foo's act,
Wally's bagpipe act, gibberish lullaby, Pops in hypnotist act, Wally's 
Western act.

Carol Burnett	---------------------------------------------------------
    Dance marathon, Pigs in Space - hungry alien, "I Was Made For Dancing".

Johnny Cash	---------------------------------------------------------
    Martins & the McCoys, broadcasting from WHOG, Johnny: "Ghost Riders", 
Johnny: "Egg-sucking Dog", Fozzie gets upstaged, Johnny: "Orange Blossom 
Special", "I'm Going to Jackson".

James Coburn	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Make it snappy!', drumming octopi, Animal & James, "Close to You", 
salute to the Roaring Twenties, Bear on Patrol, meditation, salute to 
Japan/square dance.

Mac Davis	---------------------------------------------------------
    'Another opening of another show', Mac: "Baby, Don't Get Hooked on Me", 
Muppet labs - copying machine, Mac: "It's Hard to Be Humble", Swedish chef 
- soup, Bear on Patrol - outnumbered, Mac: "I Believe in Music".

This is the one where
Beaker gets stuck in Bunsen's new copying machine, producing a mob of
Beakers.  The end is great where Mac sings "I believe in music" with a
choir of Beakers and a whole band of Beakers.

Marty Feldman	---------------------------------------------------------
    Arabian Nights, Sinbad the Surfer ("Surfin' USA"), Aladdin & the Lamp,
patent office, Ali Baba & the 3 thieves, closing numbers.

Deborah Harry	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Me & Gargoyle", Robin's scout troop, Debbie: "One Way or Another", 
Debbie & Kermit - rainbow song, Pigs in Space - meteor shower, "Call Me".

Glenda Jackson	---------------------------------------------------------
    Gonzo: "Car Wash Blues", Glenda turns into a pirate & takes over the
theatre, Fozzie's act is interrupted by Glenda's pirate #, At the Dance,
Muppet sports - yardarm hanging, Shaky Sanchez & his bomb balancing act, 
grand finale - battle at sea.

Gene Kelly	---------------------------------------------------------
    Polar #, Gene & Kermit dance, Vet's Hospital - end of the world 
('there's so many things I wanted to do...like friz my hair and buy some 
new shooooess'), Gene sings to Piggy (& Gonzo!): "You Wonderful You", 
Pigs in Space - meaning and purpose of life (priceless!  'the meaning and 
purpose of life...swill stroganoff..._YOU_ wait for the meaning and 
purpose of life!!...I know something you don't know!'), jug band: "Water" 
+ Gene: "Singing in the Rain".

Gladys Knight	---------------------------------------------------------
    Egyptian #, roof repairs, Gladys: "Friendship Train", Vet's Hospital -
singing weatherman, Gladys: "God Bless the Child", knife throwing, "Heard 
It Through the Grapevine".
    
Christopher Langham -----------------------------------------------------
    Robin & Kermit: "Friendship", Chris does this & that, Chris' time 
machine, "I'm a Gnu", "Hawaiian Cowboy".

Hal Linden	---------------------------------------------------------
    Statler & Waldorf run the show, Jerry & the Atrics - "Who Put...", the
Saltzburg Sauerkraut Singers, Hal: "Yankee Doodle Dandy" at Christmas, 
Robin & Hal: "If We Ruled the World", Piggy as an Indian Princess, 
Dixieland & trapdoors.

Melissa Manchester ------------------------------------------------------
    "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" (skiing), Melissa: "Don't Cry Out Loud", Pigs in 
Space - Crab Nebula ('Swanko'), Melissa: "Whenever I Call You Friend", 
Swedish chef - spring chicken, Melissa: "Your Cheating Heart" (Spanish version).

Roger Moore	---------------------------------------------------------
    "In the Navy" (Viking pigs), Roger & Miss Piggy, pies & spies, Lou 
Zealand's singing fish, Vet's Hospital, Bear on Patrol - handcuff salesman, 
Muppet sports - cross-country billiards, newsflash - stupid stories, 
Roger: "Talk to the Animals".

he kept insisting he
was roger moore and james bond was just a character he played, but
there were these spy muppets that kept watching him and following him.
the last song he did was "if i could talk to the animals." the spies
"infiltrated" the cute muppet animals in that skit, and then it became
"if i could karate-chop the animals." it was classic!!!! =)

Jean Pierre Rampal ------------------------------------------------------
    "Rockin' Robin", Jean & Piggy duet, Bear on Patrol - car prisoner, 
conga in the operating room, Jean & the birds, Muppets labs - electric 
sledgehammer ('only attacks wimpy nerds!'), Jean - reversed Pied Piper.

Tony Randall	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Yakkity-yak", Tony turns Piggy into a statue with his magic book, 
chamber music, Tony sings, more magic, "Poison Ivy", Pigs in Space - 'nice
quiet day, good to be a pig' ('why did you tune in _this_ time?'), "The 
Green Eye of the Little Yellow God" (poetry reading).

Buddy Rich	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Goodday, Sunshine", power troubles, Crazy Harry gives the newsman a
bigger light, "There's Always One Step Lower You Can Go", Vet's Hospital
in the dark, Beaker powers a generator (with a tiger!), little karate, 
Swedish chef makes a lighter-than-air souffle, drum battle with Animal.

This is the one where the
power goes out in the theater.  Bunsen brings in his portable generator
(a huge hamster wheel) that runs on Beaker power.  When Beaker gets
tired he throws the reserve swtich which puts and angry tiger in the wheel
with Beaker.

Linda Ronstadt	---------------------------------------------------------
    Gonzo's fungus collection & Miss Piggy's jealousy, "Blue Bayou", Swedish
chef - opening champagne, "The Cat Came Back" (a classic!), "Shoop Shoop Song
(It's In His Kiss)", Pigs in Space - battle robot, Linda & Kermit duet.

Brooke Shields	---------------------------------------------------------
    Alice in Wonderland, falling sequence, caterpillar scene, Humpty Dumpty,
Jabberwocky, the trial scene, mad tea party.

Lewis Carrol is pretty bizarre by
himself, but when you add the Muppets' craziness it goes over the top.
Floyd as the hukka-smoking caterpillar was classic ("If you eat the
mushroom, make sure you take it from the stem."  "Why?" "'Cause there's not
mu[s,c]h room up here") and the tea party was suitably crazy (Camilla as
the dor-mouse was a stroke of casting genius).  I think the most attractive
part was the sub-plot involving Fozzy.  Near the beginning he is standing
backstage in a tin-woodsman costume, but Kermit berates him because there
is no tin-woodsman in "A in W."  When the mad tea party gets too out of
hand, Kermit comes on the stage and calls a halt.  The question is asked
"How will we end the show?"  The answer was "How about a song?" and Fozzy
wanders out from off-stage (still in his tin-woodsman costume) and they end
Alice in Wonderland with a stirring rendition of "Off To See The Wizard".
(Maybe it's just that I hvae always confused Alice in Wonderland with
Wizard of Oz, but it was soooo cool).

Paul Simon	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Scarborough Fair", "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover", "It's Been a Long, 
Long Day", Gonzo writes songs, Gonzo: "I'd Rather Be", "Baby Driver", 
"When I Was a Boy".

Loretta Swit	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Nobody But Us Chickens", Kermit fires Piggy, Loretta: "I Feel the 
Earth Move", Loretta replaces Piggy, Piggy's goodbye song, Pigs in Space 
('nothing to do with this one either'), "Side By Side".

Senor Wences	---------------------------------------------------------
    "Puppet Man" (Pinocchio), Senor Wences, Vet's Hospital, Swedish bread
lump puppetry, Bruce Schwartz, Fozzie's puppet act, Senor Wences.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's it!  I hope everybody enjoyed these summaries, and I hope 
somebody stuck them in an ftp site somewhere so I don't have to upload 
them again!  Anyway, back to lurking.

RDB