The Rogue nation free state travelling independent soverign republic of ARRRRRRRRRland - Constituition 1. Borders and Territories: 1.1 This great land shall extend as a sphere of radius 10 feet (3 metres) from the top end centre of the spine of king ARRRRR the beard. 1.2 The movement of the king shall cause a resultant motion of the borders of the nation, making each movement an act of war. The king is fine with this. 1.3. Borders mentioned in articles 1.1 and 1.2 are ill defined due to the uncertainty principle, That and the desire for every human to control the universe. In the case of the borders having a low index (~1/r0) decay with distance, The king may well be in a position to declare himself ruler of a planetary body known as "The EARRRRRRRth". Moving further still, "The UnivARRRRRRse". However, in reference to the latter, the king would like to state that being soverign ruler of any kind of arse, let alone a UnivARRRRRse is out of the question. A possibility exists in which the borders tail off at a large and exponential rate. This would cause a lack of interaction with the outside world due to the point like nature of territory and leading further to the notion of "being bound in a nutshell and Crowning myself King of infinite space" (ShakespeARRRRRRe) 1.4. The heavily egomaniacial nature of the king does not lend itself to being bound by the state mentioned in article 1.3. The compromise reached is the state described in article 1.1. 1.5. On the subject of national geography (as suggested by a respected diplomat), the following should be noted: To the north: The environment in this direction is constantly changing and in order to accurately describe it, note must be taken of the situations this great nation shall encounter on a daily basis. This would be a painstaking process, so I'll limit the features to a pint and some people. To the south: Victims left in the wake of this great nation's conflict with the world at large East and west: Diplomats supporting the noble cause of King ARRRRR the Beard

2. Laws and declarations: 2.1. As from formation of this state, Fridays shall be promoted to "occasion" status. Furthermore, merriment must be engaged in by all residents by order of King ARRRRR the beard. 2.2. Without a national drink, a country shall be dry and barren as the hottest desert. For this reason, I declare the national drink Jameson. 2.3. Any objections over drunken behaviour from the outside world shall be dealt with by the minister of foreign affairs, who has been indefinitely suspended for being a damn hippy 2.4. Unfair trade goods will be exempt from tax. 2.5. Fair trade goods will be liable to a 400% "Hippy Tax" 2.6. Hippies will be dealt with severely by the minister for drunkeness and his employees, the demons. 2.7. You are not, under any circumstances, entitled to your opinion. The king's decision is final. 2.8. It's not racism if it's funny, the offendees aren't within earshot and nobody is hurt as a result. 2.9. Reservations voiced by foreign dignitaries regarding the nature of article 8 shall be directed to the minister of "fuck right off you shocked and appaled sun of a cunt, it has nothing to do with you so stop pretending you bloody care about something that you're 5000 miles away from" and branded a paedophile in the national press. 2.10. following from article 9, Tabloid newspapers shall not be tolerated. Neither will any printed media which begins each new paragraph with a word in bold type (SHOCK, PERVERT, PAEDOPHILE, SCANDAL, BRIAN KENNEDY). Judgement on such matters can be made by the king and only the king. Also, large headlines are forbidden under punishment of sneering, contempt and ridicule. 2.11. A 1980's heavy metal appreciation minister shall be appointed to spread the word of cheese to the uneducated nations outside this fine state. 2.12. The king shall have full diplomatic immunity in all nations at all times. Any attempt to compromise this will see the offender spend six hours watching whingeing, pretentious, self pitying woody allen films. As murder is illegal in the state*, it is assumed the offender will brand his existance as "TEEEEEErrrrrrrrrible" and be on the wrong end of a train by his own choosing. *this does not apply when the king murders somebody through use of a projectile such as a spear. Once the projectile leaves the border, diplomatic immunity applies. 2.13. A fundamental right in this nation and the cornerstone of its existance is the freedom to cause offence. This freedom is without bounds. 2.14. Physical harm (drunken horseplay excepted) shall not be tolerated, be it from The King or others in the nation. Exceptions are as follows: * You attempt to relieve The King of a non painful existance. Punishment: pain. * You touch the king's woman. Punishment: Threats and, ultimately, pain. * Attempt to relieve The King of his personal belongings. Punishment: following disposal of the assailant's weapons (or S' weapons), free roam. 2.15. Fire Extingushers are fair game. 2.16. The national flag is yet to be decided on. The most likely candidates are listed below: The Jolly Lee: The General Roger: That's it then.

3. National Holidays and events: 3.1. ARRRRRRR day. The formemost feastday in this glorious nation is in celebration of the birth of the equally glorious King ARRRR the Beard, that being the seventh day of March I (the King) am led to believe the mothARRRRR brought this about at~9am on that glorious day, allowing merriment to be made from that hour on the aforementioned day). 3.2. EastARRRRR will be celebrated three days following the passing of the king on the following date: for the remainder of time. Unlike some people with a similar celebration the king could mention, this date is fixed. Mourning will occur on the above date from the foundation of the state. 3.3. Saint ARRRRR's day is yet to be decided on as the event it celebrates hasn't occurred yet, Namely the ridding of this fine planet of the scourge of Hippies. This is likely to occur on a celebration of ARRRRR day as that is when The King will be at his drunkest

4. Treatment of the king: 4.1 The king shall be addressed as Ed. Not paul. 4.2 During times of famine, the king may be witnessed as being beardless. This has the effect of reducing the title to a mere "King ARRRRR". This shall remain until such a time as the face is restored to its former glory.

5. The media and political correctness: 5.1 Political correctness is forbidden under punishment of death The first national religion is Homophobia. Anyone who questions this ARRRRticle should face to face this guy (The King), who will have no problem temporarily ammending article 2.14 to deal with P.C. Bastards.

6. Defence and Policing: 6.1. This nation, like all other great nations, has the undeniable right to defend itself against foreign aggressors. For this reason, the King shall carry a hunting knife at all times (not yet though)

7. The cabinet: