In chronological order:

No Help Wanted:

• Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?

  Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.

• Coach: How about a beer, Norm?

  Norm: Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.

• Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?

  Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.

• Coach: What's up, Norm?

  Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.

• Coach: What's shaking, Norm?

  Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

• Coach: Beer, Normie?

  Norm: Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young.

• [Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]

  Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?

  Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.

• Coach: What's up, Normie?

  Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach.

• Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?

  Norm: Going down?

• [Norm returns from the hospital.]

  Coach: What's up, Norm?

  Norm: Everything that's supposed to be.

• [Norm comes in, depressed. He just stands by the door with a sullen face.]

  Norm: [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.

  All: Norm? (Norman?)

• Sam: What's new, Normie?

  Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach. They're demanding beer.

• Coach: What'll it be, Normie?

  Norm: Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

• Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?

  Norm: Daddy wuvs you.

• Sam: What'd you like, Normie?

  Norm: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.

• Norm: Afternoon, everybody.

  All: Norm!

  Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.

  All: [silence]

• Sam: What will you have, Norm?

  Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.

  Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.

  Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

• Sam: What do you say, Norm?

  Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.

• Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?

  Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town?

• Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.

  All: Norm! (Norman!)

  Sam: Still pouring, Norm?

  Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

• Sam: What's the good word, Norm?

  Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.

  Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...

  Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

  Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.

• Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?

  Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.

• Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.

• Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: Elope with my wife.

• [Norm is angry.]

  Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.

• Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.

• Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm?

  Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

• Paul: Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?

  Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.

• Norm: Hey, everybody.

  All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]

  Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]

  Norm! (Norman.)

  How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?

  Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.

• Norm: Hey, everybody.

  Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]

  Norm: That's it, I'm leaving.

• Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer, as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]

  Customer: Norm!

  Norm: [quietly] Not now!

• Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

• Sam: How's life treating you?

  Norm: It's not, Sammy, but you can!

• Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?

  Woody: For a beer?

  Norm: No, for stupid questions.

• Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending.

• Pepe: [something in Spanish]

• Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.

  Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.

• Sam: Beer, Norm?

  Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

• Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''

• Sam: What can I get you, Norm?

  Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder? Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.

• Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?

  Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

• Sam: What are you up to Norm?

  Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

• Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.

  Norm: You mean, `Nice cold beer going Mr. Peterson.'

• Sam: What do you know there, Norm?

  Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?

• Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?

  Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.

• Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.

Not yet confirmed against videotape:

Article 30367 of rec.arts.tv:
~From: fam26639@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Gangster)
~Date: 21 Dec 90 18:16:30 GMT

• "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"

  "Poor."

  "I'm sorry to hear that."

  "No, I mean pour."

• "How's life treating you, Norm?"

  "Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."

• "Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

• "What's going down, Normie?"

  "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

• "How's life in the fast lane?"

  "Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

• "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."

  "Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."

• "What's the story, Norm?"

  "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

• "How about a beer, Norm?"

  "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

• "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"

  "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody."

• "What's up, Normie?"

  "My nipples, it's freezing out there."